So here it is, the day i've been dreading and looking forward to at the same time for the past 2 weeks. Its early morning Sunday, approx 2:40am lol. my flight leaves at 7 30. And on the floor next to me letting me use her computer is the girl I've been so happy to be with for the past 2 weeks. Its been great, I've had so much fun, but more importantly i've noticed a connection we have even more than before.
A couple of days ago, while watching Frida with her. It was then that I noticed that this girl is the person I love, during the movie I had a little thought in my head spark into my train of thoughts. It said "tomorrow is your last day with her for a while" And then for some reason I panicked, I broke into tears...in front of her... something she hates seeing me do because she can't handle seeing me cry in her arms, to her when a man cries something is seriously wrong. I cried and I cried, I've never cried so hard in my life for over a decade. I kept telling myself, I'm going to miss her, its going to hurt...I look at her and I, and i see a beautiful relationship that is so hard to keep because it is just that, beautiful...just like her, just like those eyes that captured me to begin with. I ask God every night in my mind, why is it that we must endure such drama and pain before we can truly enjoy our lives...I look at the time on the computer and the minutes keep going time keeps speeding up, every second turns into history. I remember what some people say to me, that I talk to her too much, that I'm falling too much in love with her, so what should I do? Go find someone else that is no where near as wonderful as she is to my life? My dad misses me, but I sense that he is scared for me. He's afraid that I am falling in love with her. I can only imagine as a father what he feels, I miss him so much, every night I think about what my dad is doing. My whole life me and him have been partners, when i was little I even slept in the same bed. And you know being here right now, going to work and school, driving a car, it feels like I'm doing something wrong, because it feels like we are splitting apart little by little...it feels like I became a bad son, and my whole life all I wanted to do was make my dad proud and be like him. I hope he like's her, I hope he thinks she's good enough for me, if only he knew what I can write, if only he knew the rest of who I really am. I miss you dad, and baby I'm going to miss your prescence. Pretty soon things will be back to the way they were, at least I get to see my sisters again, I miss you guys alot you have no idea, I wish you could have come with me, we could have had so much fun.
Well, what else can I say without making this post another depressing one, all I can say is I'll be home soon guys :) I love you all. JMT
