I asked myself the same question over and over and over again since I've met her...Whenever I saw her I never thought that one day she would change my whole life, she would help me grow...
Through her I realized what a relationship takes, that the heart beats for a reason other than just giving us life, it beats so you may share your life with others...
Whenever I am gone for a long time during the day she calls me repeatedly to find out where I have been, she worries so much about me...
.......Though I have been asleep these past few hours I have still been crying the whole night. I am with her and the world is our friend not our enemy, when I'm with her it seems like everything I've done in life is already accomplished, I don't have to look any further...
Someone once told me I have no idea what love is because I am still young, but how can that be when everyone has their own idea of love...That's all I hear all day, that I am too young, but they don't realize that I am not like other people... The world to me is so much more than what we think we see, when you look at a tree what do you see? Do you see a tree? I see different, I see life, a part of the world, a cycle that has existed for millions of years between trees and the Earth.
Life has made me feel alone my whole time on this planet...From sitting by myself everyday in the school cafeteria, to having my sisters move out, to my mom and the person that I cry about taken so far away from me that I can't hug them whenever I want to...
I look at her on the webcam...Her lips so pink, her eyes so full of heart, her face so beautiful, all I have to do is say hi and I can make her smile...
I thought it would be so easy...To wait for her... But I find that its eating away at me little by little every passing minute...I hate feeling alone, my heart hurts, my head hurts from thinking, my eyes have run out of tears, and yet the clock still runs, the world still shifts, and I start to feel like I'm growing apart...
She is missing the best time in my life...both my mom and her...
Whoever said money isn't everything obviously didn't live in this future...
When she cries my heart sinks, I have broken her heart before, and when she cried I felt the crack...
My God baby, if only the world knew how much I miss your touch, your smell, your soft skin...
Sometimes I think maybe God separated us because we would be too perfect for each other, its like we have to do a great deal of suffering before we are happy.
That's fine God, but to the point where my heart feels like bleeding? To the point where I feel leaving this place for good? To the point where my past haunts me and I have to feel that horrible loneliness again?
Stop doing this to us, you shouldn't break good people...
I don't want other woman, I don't want their crap, I don't want their touch, I want her, and I can't even have her, I'm tired of having to hide from her parents, I'm tired of not being able to touch her or hug her when she is crying or feeling down, I'm tired of breaking her heart because I'm sick of it all...
Sometimes I think maybe I don't deserve her, maybe my dad's curse has transferred to me, its as if I've been starving this whole time and someone dangles a piece of meat lets me taste it and never gives it back...
...I have nothing else...to say.
