15 minutes left till Friday the 13th. As always though, I'm mostly afraid of what will happen the next day after Friday the 13th which happens to be Valentine's day lol.
For some strange reason right now I feel very odd. I look around the room and it feels as if I'm in the wrong place, yet I've been here for a while. I can't figure out why but for some reason I can't seem to sleep all the way through at night, most likely because of the fact that I've been having to wake up really early now lol.
I think about you guys alot, I wonder how the kids are doing, and sometimes I get sad when I think about having to see them bigger than before.
Things over here can get uncomfortable for me sometimes, especially when the family is not one that I've known my whole life, they do things differently over here. I think about mom, and I wish someone could just shake a magic wand on her and she could keep taking her pills. I kinda miss how she sounded and how she responded so well when she was taking them. Seeing Zulen's mom, I realize that even though the disorder is still there, she can function throughout the day, she can be a mom.
So much time is passing by, and every year that goes by it feels like I have less and less to say to mom. I don't know what to talk about sometimes, and I can tell she notices when I don't have anything to say. I hate that, I hate having to think so hard to remember what she looks like, I hate having to think so hard to remember the memories with her. I need more memories, good ones, ones that bring a smile to my face instead of memories that make me think twice of bringing her back here.
I also think about the future, where will I be in a few years? I have no idea...What will I be thinking about then? who knows... But I need Zulen to understand that somehow in the near future, if we plan to be with each other we have to compromise on where we will be living. I realize that its hard for you to leave your parents baby that it will break their hearts, but if we wish to live on our own one day we have to do so. But of course that is a while away. It just seems like the days here last forever sometimes yet they don't...its hard to explain.
But so far so good, I've only been here for a month and I got a good job, what scares me though is that the economy is getting worse as we speak and I work at a friggin bank. I just hope something like a miracle happens and the economy finally gets back on its feet. Too many good people are suffering right now, and its all because everyone lets the big boys at the banks do whatever they want.
N e way, I have a final today (Friday the 13th lol) for my Suntrust training. The people are great so far, just a little bit too focused on making money, but its a bank what do i expect lol. The training program here is friggin amazing, I had absolutely no idea how to do anything the first day I got here, and now I'm able to complete almost any transaction you shoot at me lol. If you have any banking questions just ask me :). I love you all, I miss you all, give the kids a kiss for me, and give max one for me 2 baby :). I'm so lucky to have lived with so many strong women, it lets me know that anything is possible :P
