Wow, been awhile hasn't it? lol. What a horrid gay ass week it has been :) But my life consists about no sleep and insomnia and then waking up in the morning with little energy to do anything but sleep then want to write about something but i don't because I get distracted to do something else then I look out the door to see my dad passed out on the couch watching tv :) hehehe NUM only to look over him and see a cackling witch staring back at me *rolls eyes then I either shut my door for the rest of the day and seclude myself in my room :). anyone breath yet? hahahaha. Sorry I must be delirious out of my mind lol.
N e wayz, like I said what a daily routine it has been for me lately. But the last 2 days of work were pretty gay so maybe I'll talk about that.
Tuesday- Worked 4-10pm, I came into work hungry as hell because dad decided to do his taxes that day and took the fat bitch with him. I came into work bought some boneless chicken wings and potato wedges mmmmmm. Oh yea and I was dropped off early by my aunt and uncle who were having a bitch fit about stupid shit lol. So I came into my job at around 3 pm, just enough time to fill me up and go to work. So I come into work and see my wonderful mexican buddy executive manager of the backroom Carlos/ A.K.A. Taco. I talked to him only to find out that a few people that were coming into work that day had quit lol. soooooo that left me with my "best friend" Eric who was scheduled to leave at 7pm. But the shithead left early and I was alone in the big ass backroom for several hours. Which was boring yet eventful considering I had like 4 breaks hahahaha :P. I didn't get shit done and I was off to the house.
Today (Thursday)- Everything was fine today cept I found out I have no hours next week and I was a translator today for like a billion people lol.
Then of course this week I have to worry about my plan for school. Its too late for night school :( , and my counselor is saying that because of my age they might have to consider me for a GED. OR, take summer school, come back next year with only like 4 or 5 classes leave early....And I have to have a plan soon...I just don't know what that plan is. I mean lets see the scenarios. 1.) I take summer school, come back next year, leave early...2.) Get a GED, which means college soon, which lots of casholas...I dunno plan one seems more logical to me, but plan number seems more wanting to get out then being logical, or maybe it is logical. Either way despite my beautiful intelligence lol and lack of preserverance I don't think I'm going to graduate this year. That's what my only fear is of next year, having to go through this shit again. Having to wake up everyday to something you don't enjoy lol. I wish there was a different way of obtaining what you want, I guess one must go through something they hate to reach what they love. I don't know what the hell happened to me these past couple years, its not about having too much fun because seeing an F on your report card and someone telling you that you won't graduate when you are supposed to is hardly fun trust me. I think what I truly need is to find what I want, and shoot for it. Because right now I only think I know what I want, I mean computers are cool but as a career? maybe...Music is something I love and love to create but competition and the chances of becoming successful in that career is slim to none. Cooking? no...Art? no...Designing? depends... defintely not fashion lol. What the hell else is there? I think I lost something on the way to finishing my school year. I thought maybe I found what I was looking for, maybe I found a goal to achieve, but that goal doesn't interest me anymore. Is that bad? I don't know what the fuck is going to motivate me to do anything, so many people have tried, but it doesn't interest me aim high for nothing. I have to find something to aim for.
Maybe I'm babbling on about dumb things, but that's what I'm thinking right now. I just wonder how things will turn out, hopefully all my dreams come true, hopefully I will get a slap in the face one day that will put me into gear of achieving those dreams, or maybe I want to achieve too much. Sure I have alot of time, but I mean time goes by quickly also, especially when you have no clue what you are doing and you are wasting your time because nothing that you are doing now interests you.
But with all that thought out of the way, I still feel the same. I mean I asked God several times to help me of course, but I guess I must help myself. The future is very important to me, someone once said, "There is no more yesterday, there is only today and tomorrow" I don't feel comfortable knowing that I can fail my future...
wow, on a lighter note, I failed my fucking permit test by 1 question, I passed all my road sign tests, yet I got 6 knowledge questions wrong, and your only supposed to miss 5. When I found out I failed it was like "Gee, another test I failed" it was more noticeable when the lady wrote in bold letters "FAILURE", made me feel all nice and warm inside. Of course I must wait 15 days from that day which is 2/19/06. But God only knows when my dad will take me next, he's so tired and busy all the time, and I felt like I needed to pass this test, because it was the only oppurtunity me and my dad had to go, we had to set aside everything in the day, we waited 2 and half hours standing in line. I felt so tense, the suspense was eating away at me, and I looked over only to see my dad rocking back and forth in his chair like a little kid hehehe, he was nervous for me also. They called my name finally, I asked God, please help me with this test God, let me pass one for once in a lifetime lol. But that difficult ass question was too much for me. When I found out I failed I looked over and shook my head at my dad, who had a "that's ok hijito" look on his face. But I felt so dissapointted, because I failed and God only knows when I will come back to take it. I wish my dad didn't have to wait all that time with me, those fuckers at the DMV expect a parent signature and they expect your parent to be there and shit. Whatever, maybe a stroke of luck will pass me by and I'll go back soon.
I wish I could let you all in on what I'm thinking daily, but time as we all know passes by quickly and I must be awake in a couple of hours. Sorry if the post was long, but hey, thank the time because it could have been longer and i would have been in the mood to talk about everything in my mind hehehehe, good night, and a big kiss to the women I love the most, you know who you are :D
2 comments:
I know u might of already heard this, or prolly will...but what you're going through is normal. i remember when i was your age, being just as confused about what i wanted out of life, or how i was going to get it...things like that. the important thing is not to beat yourself over the bumps on the road.
you are NOT a failure, and never will be. you are way too smart for that. these are the tests that God throws our way, i don't know why, maybe to make us stronger.
so keep your head up- sometimes we all need that smack to wake us up too..hehe. you still have your whole life ahead of you, don't let the pressures of school, work and home get to you. i know its easier said than done, but try to focus one day at a time....on school and the real important things.
the answers will come to you, don't worry.
i wish i were there to take you to dmv! i could pretend i'm your mom, hehe.
don't worry skik, we have all been where you are now, its that time in your life where you are leaving boyhood and becoming a man,,,, that sounded gay, lol...but its true.
ok, i'll stop rambling...just have faith, k?
Ditto with me as well Mike. I know that whatever you choose to do, you will achieve and be a success. There is something in you. You are great with people, you are creative as hell! I mean you were writing stories when you were a little kid! I was so fregin impressed by that. And like Num says, you have a strong personality. He was so proud that you went into Target like you owned the place. :) Life will get harder. And nothing is guaranteed. Hold on to your dreams, no matter what anyone else thinks. Those are more important to achieve than anything else. Don't be afraid to fail, because it WILL make you stronger, and it is a part of life. Like Vani said, much EASIER said then done. But beating yourself up for making some mistakes are NOT GUUD...(ace ventura) hahaha...Everyone does got through this, and def. keep the faith and hope alive. Don't give up on yourself or the things you want to achieve, because when you get there I am sure it is one of the best feelings in the world. You know we all want the best for you. And if NUM doesn't come around to getting you into DMV again, I know it may seem far, but July 2nd is really around the corner. You will be 18!. Keep on striving, skik. We all love you.
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