E.T. Phones home, lmfao

Hello again world, lol. (once again thank you for the lovely comments on the chatterbox, lol). hmmm maybe you guys are trying to send a hint? lol. hhmmmmm...nah.

N E wayz, what a stressful fucking month it has been :) (sarcastic smile). From work to money to school to family to sleeping to eating, lol. I feel emotionally attached to this month since its been so damn long, although shorter than previous months yet still long. I couldn't really sleep tonight as you can see, and I was suprised to see that you guys still go to my blog, lol. You must know me more than I thought, cuz with me you gotta keep checking cuz you never know when I just might post a blog lol.
I just felt like being random today, just say whatever is in my head, in no specific order so hopefully no one gets confused...

Today I played a beautiful game of tetris on my xbox, video games always relax me, they let me think about other things and entertain me at the same time. But anyway, as I was playing my game I looked around my room for a minute. Then I just pressed pause to think about how much has progressed in these past few years. I look directly in front of me, I see an air filter, an xbox 360 with a numerous amount of games next to it, a tv, surround sound speakers. Then I look a little to the left, I see a computer that I own, a webcam, also with speakers...And you know I thought to myself, I would have never imagined having so much things that I wanted, I mean though I want alot of things in life (who doesn't) I'm not that hard of a guy to please. And as I look around I'm so relieved that I have everything I want...Though having what you need and want are so different...
Living in that little motel with my dad for a while made me realize that everything I wanted wasn't there anymore, its what I needed that stayed with me. I had my dad, I had my health, I had my education, but yet all those video games, all those things that I wanted weren't with me, and after realizing that, you notice that in reality you only need so little, its what we want that drives us so crazy sometimes. We want shoes, electronics, jewelry, clothes, anything that pleasures you, but all those wants are like an untrue friend, they leave you when you are in a time of need. But as humans, it is in our nature to want so many things that we like, but if you don't have the things you need to survive, you have nothing...

Sometimes I consider writing a book again, but my problem is dedication and time. And for some reason for me, when I think about things to write, it sounds so divine in my mind and yet when I put it down on paper it feels like its missing the point, like its missing the true meaning to it. I have so many stories, and usually the best times my imagination soars is when I'm listening to an inspirational song or just alone in the dark...Then when I try and remember such stories later on, I forget them, and I hate that. Maybe I should bring a notepad with me wherever I go lol, just so I don't forget. I also need dedication, I hate being so distracted all the time, it makes one feel so unaccomplished when they are in the middle of doing something and then just stop...Then its like you gave up, then you don't feel like doing it anymore, thats what happens to me alot of times, and it truly irritates me. For once I would like to have that strength, that willingness to do things, and one would say that you could always acquire that if you just try, but if you've had such a feeling how do you know where to start? I mean even blogging, I have to push myself to post, because inside me I feel like expressing myself in this thing so much yet I feel trapped because everything else in my body is willing to do something else then blog. I mean at first I thought it was laziness but I think this goes past lazy, maybe lazy became a habit, God I hope not...

Well, this past week things went downhill then seemed to come back up again. Some more fights in school, random companies taking money out of my dads account. But then all in one day, my dad got his watch he ordered in the mail (put a fat ass smile on his face lol), I got the new design for my 360 (thanks to my baby :) Caroline is going to have a boy!!!! yaaaaaaay!! we need men in the family!!! lol. And me getting alot more fuckin hours than I used to, now thats yet to say if thats good or bad, but more work means more money, so we'll see if I'm dragging ass by next week. By the way my schedule for next week is, Sunday-10am-6:30pm, Monday 4-10, Thursday 4-10, and saturday I forgot what time I work lol. but including this weeks hours and next weeks, it equals, fat check! lol. oh yes, and who can forget on may 2 it will be exactly 2 months before my 18th b-day, i can't believe it...of course there are b-days in the middle, but mine is more important, hehehehehehehhe, j/k,...ahem. n e wayz, tomorrow I'm off, i'm gonna spend some time with my daddy, who I haven't chilled with in ages, hopefully get in contact with you guys (my sisters :P) and of course speak to my baby :P. hehehe well i'm out for now, good night guys.