A Real Post lol

Damn, already June 18th...Which means 2 weeks more until my birthday. This year I turn 18, my lord how time flies.
Not too long ago I remember playing with my friends in the woods or in the parkling lot in Annandale, or my two best friends in Centreville who I always used to go out and play video games with. It is so hard to look at myself now, how I've grown, how my life has changed so drastically I can barely recognize how my past was unless I am in deep thought. Who would have ever thought I'd be working, I'd be cussing (lol), be in love, be crazy with my friends (a.k.a. hooka bars lol). I mean really, when was the last time you remembered how you used to be as a kid? Not a teen, but a child... My memories are vague but clear. First thing I remember, is me and my mom. When no one was there, we used to take walks with each other, she used to be so sweet...And the things that I will regret ever saying to my mother are all those harmful insults I used to call her. I look back at it now, and I'm so scared that I will not be able to forgive myself for insulting my own mother, calling her a fat cow, a bitch, a witch, of course it was because in turn she never respected me or my sisters. But now, you realize what the hell happened? I haven't seen her for 6 years...
Then I remember school...... In school I was never liked by anyone. For some reason, I was alone throughout elementary and the first part of middle school. I was viewed as the annoying kid who was weird. Just because I acted crazy by trying to make jokes or how I used to like to bug people...I only had one friend during those years, and I remember crying at night a few times. I remember when I used to sleep with my dad in the same room, and those times I cried he woke up and asked if I was ok, I mean, what could I tell him? "Dad..., I'm lonely"?
I remember going into middle school at rocky run, it felt only a bit different. Because the same people from elementary were there, and basically it was the same thing all over again...But I noticed things started changing for me, I started changing. I don't know how, I don't know why, but I changed...And ever since then I have been changing every year, getting to know myself, finding who I am, who I should be, its all part of life...You look at the moon and the sun everyday and they are the same, but you realize, that life changes all the time, and everytime you see the sunrise its a new day of life, life will teach you something new, and you will change once again. Maybe not drastically, but in ways that you won't notice until you look back on the year that has passed and realized what has happened.
I also remember how my mom used to write paragraphs for me in a journal, and make me write them again until I learned how to write perfectly. I remember caroline running away, I remember vanessa going away to Florida, I remember all those stories I used to tell my sisters, of planets, their names, the population, the war between them, lol. I remember telling a story one time to my sister then she went to her room and promised she would hear the rest of it, I knocked on her door and asked if she wanted to hear it, but I guess she was busy sleeping lol. After that I wrote it down in this blue binder I had, and I remember the day I lost that binder with all my stuff, I felt so heart broken, it was like my imagination was gone...
And then not too long ago I remember one of my writings, it was about my family, and how I viewed them, my shield, the mom I should have had, and my father, all the things that make up who I am.
And it is so amazing to see my sisters now, mothers, children of their own. I see how they are and they are the most wonderful mothers I've seen. They've learned not to be like our mom, you can always learn from the mistakes of others, but unfortunately from what I've seen, you can't learn until you have experienced such a thing yourself, that's just how humans are...

And there are so many memories in the past 18 years that I remember. Good and bad, and I look back, and I look at the rest of the world, and I thank God every fucking night for bringing me into this family, because I would not be the person I am without them, they have taught me so much about the world. And I have learned to look at the world differently then most people my age would have ever even thought of thinking about, and I plan to keep learning. I will legally be an adult in 2 weeks, but you know what? I have so much time to be an adult, I'll worry about being one later :) I still have lots of things to accomplish this year, and I know I will get there one day...To the place I've always wanted to be in, happiness...