I forgot to post for my 2nd anniversary of my blog! (thank God i'm not going out with it or might have been yelled at lol) n e wayz. Its already the 20th of November. But really how many times can one say "time flies" but its so true, and the thing that makes it go by so fast is when things change along with it. I have been giving myself therapy lately, I've almost had myself slip into complete sadness, just thinking about everything. Just the other day though, I was thinking to myself, what do I have to be depressed about? I've got everything I've ever wanted, a beautiful home to share with my family, in a beautiful neighborhood, everyone in my family is alive and healthy, I've got so many people that love me and support me, but damn what is missing? Why is it that everyday I come home from school or work and feel so unhappy? How come I can't seem to enjoy myself anymore when I'm really supposed to. Why do I still feel an empty hole in my life when not too long ago I was missing even more. Is it true that one can never feel completely happy? If that's so, then why am I wasting my time to find it?
I feel this urge to do something, something I've never done before with my life, but I have no idea what it is. I have this feeling that time is running out, or like something drastic will happen soon so I need to prepare for it...Maybe I'm just crazy, but I've always been weird about things going TOO well. And from reading Caroline's blog she feels the same way... God forbid life takes a 360 and devours everything that makes us happy now...I only pray that whatever it is I'm missing from my life, whatever it is that makes me so unhappy, goes away, because I truly miss enjoying life to the fullest. Maybe I should do more excercise, its supposed to make you more happier lol. Or maybe I should light a blunt and feel happy that way lol j/k. fuck maybe I really do need to get out more, who knows, fuck, w/e.
Today was Kayla's B-day! I really hope she liked my present hehe, I know she loved the gameboy omg. Vanessa since I know your reading this, just know that Kayla will one day be someone special, she is so intelligent I swear, I'm so glad that our whole family has created so many healthy babies, its like God has blessed us with a healthy family for such a long time. We have minor health issues but it seems like we are so healthy and strong, I'm glad we are still together. and now I"m rambling when I should be sleeping, so I'm going to lay my fat ass on my bed and dream of good things to come, dream of a world so peaceful, and then wake up and say "fuck school" lol, nite everyone, happy rest of November :D
1 comment:
I think it’s in our nature to always want more. That’s how we thrive. If we didn’t have this then…what would motivate us to continue on our path?
I need to be revived too! I have a strong feeling that a trip to Bolivia would do that.
I member when I was working and going to school…I worked so much…that school became an inconvenience…it became more of a hassle then anything else…
I think when I open myself up to new adventures or new ideas…my esteem shoots up. Being stuck in a “routine” makes me crazy…
I think that’s the Gemini in me…always needing to be in new surroundings. And exploring…(bc the different voices tell them to do so…hahah)
Shigs just know that u are not alone…
Maybe in Bolivia…hahahah we can all chill out in the mountains…and let mother nature take us to another place in time…a different paradise…hahah …~cloud 9~
Did I say that out loud?
We are very lucky…our village of children are very healthy! :} A new hope…a bright future…they are going to know a hella of a lot more then we did…and they won’t have to find out the hard way.
We are going to make change in the family .. All the hard work that mom and dad went through…the crazy days…man…ill never forget…it’s a scar in my memory…that will never be healed whole…motivates me to want to achieve better…I believe that hard work does not go in vain…the outcome may be unexpected or not looked at in a high regard…but…not in vain...not for nothing…maybe it’s needing a lesson learned
I wish there was a way to see glimpses of the future. A little reassurance would go a long way.
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