Time has gone by so fast this year that I didn't even notice the month I was in. It hasn't hit me yet... The fact there is only a 7 more weeks to the end of the year...
How in the world did that happen? I have no idea...I guess the more you do in a year the faster time seems to fly.
I just read some of the posts that I had written so many months and years ago...its incredible how much my life has changed in the past 3 years. The way I reason with myself, the way I express my feelings, the way I speak and think has also changed. Every year I start to ask myself what have I learned? What has this year brought me that will be a great tool for me in the future? Because it seems as if every year that passes another answer is being brought to my attention, another problem is being solved and yet there seems to be an infinite amount of questions.
This year, I have lost my faith in destiny and yet gained appreciation for God. It seems to me that if our destinies were already written, then why the hell should I even try to go to school or live a better life? Why should I bother to worry? About anything for that matter. This year I have learned that fate and destiny are completely different. Yes I believe in fate, I don't think things happen coincidently all the time. I believe that sometimes some miracles can happen, but only if you feel that the miracle will truly help your situation.
As always I still trust the presence of a God, a being that has created this vast world for us...
Now strangely enough, and I've said this before, one's life can change in less then a second. The year isn't over however, but its usually at this point of the year that I start thinking about what next year will bring us all.
I have many things to expect from next year, especially with my dad having this new baby coming along soon...I start thinking...how is this going to affect my dad and I. New questions like...Does love truly fade? Will our next president be better? Will Britney Spears get her act together? lol.
Yes, its almost hard to believe that soon another year will begin...My God how time flies...next thing you know I'll be old as hell and everyone will have to keep me from tipping over as I walk lol.
This year I also realized what my Dad has been telling me for so long...About how kids growing up so fast...I just hope Vanessa and Caroline enjoy your kids now cuz pretty soon they'll be so old that they'll fall in love and by then it'll be too late to come back...
Dad misses us alot you know :( He is a little worried about you both with your situations...I think right now I think he wishes that we all lived together again in one big ass house so no one can hurt you guys...At least that's what he told me :) Dad's 60th B-day is this coming March...I feel like this is my chance to really tell him how much I appreciate everything he has ever done for us all...
He's not a perfect man, but his imperfections and mistakes have made his mind prepared for the worst, I just hope God can give him a break...Just for once...a vacation from himself...he talks about how he thinks coming here might have been a bad idea, how maybe our lives would have been happier and more fulfilling living in Bolivia...and I told him
Dad, everything you have done with us and this family you have done your best, and that is the best thing you can ever do...I hope one day he realizes what a great father he truly is, I wish we could show him, but he would never admit it anyway :)
1 comment:
Changes...this year has brought so many. Some good, some very hurtful. But, with those changes I have learned more about myself and have set new goals for myself. This year CB and I experienced loss once again, and again...it was very hard. It impacted our relationship ... he grew more distant. Loss impacts people and impact those around us too. The day after we lost Dad Baca I talked to dad and just broke down. I couldn't stop crying. I told him how much I loved and appreciated him...I let it out....What I still need to do is apoligize to him for hurting him...while I was trying to find myself during that crazy time...I hurt the one person that protected me with all of his might...that was never my intention...but we should never assume that the people we love know how we feel...we should say it to be sure...before it's too late...before that dreadful dooms day occurs we can feel that at least we were able to tell them everything that we wanted & needed to. Living with that (not telling them what we want to) leaves a great weight on our shoulders because we really don't know for certain if we will see them again...If I were in Bolivia - I would of never met Chris and would of never had Tyler or Dylan. Though these boys are ALOT :) of work....they are the reason we wake up each day and do what we do. Their is no love that matches the love that you feel for your children. We learned our values from great men that we looked up to growing up. I want to protect my little ones from just about everything too!! But, I realize now that no matter how much I try to protect and help them in making the right choices...inevitably they are the ones that will one day have to do that on their own...it's scary...but true. Also as much as I don't want them to experience pain, or hurt...I know that in life this too is inevitable. Speaking of the boys....:) Tyler wants me to lay down next to him....I still got some years before he won't want anything to do with me!! hahah
Post a Comment