I love the cold nights, when the sky is clear and all you need is a good jacket to help you clear your mind. I have always loved the fall and winter for the crisp, cool, and clean air. The type of air that makes you want to take a deep breath forever, to cool the burning sensations in your soul.
I just finished viewing all the pictures that Caroline posted on her facebook. Sometimes you just look at those pictures and start to think about all the memories since then. In every picture you see happiness, a time in your life that you wanted to remember for the rest of your years. When you say smile, you don't realize that whatever picture you just took was a place in time that has been frozen. Those times are the times that help you through the bad times, in some pictures you see how much younger you were, or how happy you were. When I see a picture I look into the people's eyes...What adventures do those eyes hold? What is their contribution to the great puzzle that is life?
We as human beings have this sense within us that can detect a bad person or a good person. In some people it is stronger than others, I believe in an aura or energy that surrounds us all whether it be a good or bad one. But I wonder now, if that aura can be changed.............What if one day or one year you notice a person to have a good energy, a healthy aura, and then they end up doing something that is bad or destructive to other people, will that aura stay the same or change?
It might sound like something hippies would talk about, or fake physics. But I do believe that humans have a special sense about those things.
I watch those shows on NBC that show the criminals that go to prison and tape their lives in jail. Whenever you see an individual like that, you can see it in his eyes what type of person they are. You can sense it through the television as if something is placing pressure on your energy.
You see some people who work all their lives, who have a family, have a good job, and yet they snap. What makes people change so drastically? Is it the fact that we can not satisfy the goals we thought we could accomplish? Or the fact that life gives us so many obstacles that the pressure buildup is too overwhelming?
I talked to my dad about things like this once, I asked him "Dad why do bad things happen to good people who work, help other people, while bad people who steal or kill seem to get away with it"? He simple replied, "bad things happen to good people because they care, bad people don't care about shit, so they seem so happy all the time"
And it is true, if I robbed a bank, became rich. I would be relieved to have such an amount of money, but what about the other people who put their life savings in that same bank? How many other families did I put into the same position as me? How would I be able to go into a public place without lowering my head or hiding?
But bad people don't give a shit.

So when I hear about what Derrick is doing to you Vanessa I get troubled. Because it had to be an outside force that has affected the way a person acts. It is what that glass bottle contains, a simple liquid, that has reformatted how he is as a person, even deep inside. You both have invited me to places with you ever since I was young. I have seen your eyes Vanessa, I have seen the pain that is hidden inside them, and then I look at your three beautiful girls and I see you in all of them. Dad has taught us such valuable things in life, he has taught us that family is the core of who we are as a person. He said himself that if things in your family are not going well, neither will anything else in your life. I think about your situation and I can feel your pain, because I see how he is with the kids, I see how much the kids love him, I see how much shit you have gone through just to keep your family together. Then I think about what if Zulen did that to me, how would I feel? If I dedicated my life to her, and she simply spit in my face. The amount of pain alone would damage me to a point of no return. But Vanessa, there is a better life somewhere for you, you and Caroline deserve it the most. God may not be placing that life right in front of you, but because you are a good person, and you care, he will always place that oppurtunity near you. Even dad is starting to realize things that he hasn't before about Derrick, but suprsingly he sticks to his story. He just doesn't understand...
I honestly can't believe he has not taken the opportunity to get help, it shows that he has given up. Like I said even when he is sober he seems drunk, it has gotten to a point where I can't tell the difference anymore, his actions have only gotten worse, and they will get worse from this point. I think the times he tried to hit you were when I started thinking that something was wrong. Something has changed his energy, and I know you can feel it. Maybe one day you can film him drunk, film him when he is at his worst, show him, show him what you see, make him care, and if he still is not embarassed about that then God save him.