ahhh yes, the memories

wow, I just read all of the writings that I've ever written. I put it all in a folder on my computer, I can't believe how much I've changed. It's so nice to remember things that I've written, and some should be kept a secret. But for some reason none of these writings do my words justice, they can only express so much about me, but the writings can't feel, they can't think of the same things I do, they can only details about what I think.
But there is so much more I want to say, so much more I want to understand, and it seems like none of them do that for me.
Well now that I've recovered almost all of my writings, I might post them, but only if I don't forget, which I probably will, LOL.
Ne wayz night night eurrbody

Useless

You can hug her ever so tightly, as if you want to keep her close to your heart forever

You can kiss her lips, making yours feel soft with tenderness

You can make sweet love to her, giving her that special feeling every time

You can admire her for everything she is, liking everything she does

You can caress her, feeling the warmth flow around you and her

You can look into her eyes, and see the delicateness of her soul

But if true love doesn’t exist, it is all worthless, every bit of it is a lie. Sometimes a lie can go so far, and sometimes it exists only in shadows. You’ll know when your in love, and only after so long will you realize that it is true love that you feel. So how can you be so sure? What if it was all a lie? What if all the love you felt for this person wasn’t meant to be? What if after so many years, you realize that the love has faded? Normal questions, from a normal relationship, such questions can’t be answered, they can only be realized. Love is hard, love can hurt so much, but if you work hard at it, it is all worth it in the end. Stay the course, love is in us all, there is someone for everybody in this world. Someone that is special enough to receive your love, someone who is worthy of placing their hearts near yours. Sometimes you find love easily, and sometimes you have to stay with that someone for years before making sure they are the ones for you. Love works in many ways, it’s the word that rules us all.

still no more good titles

Well finally I think my room will soon be completed. I'm going to miss the basement, but I'm still going to keep it as my own :) Finally more damn privacy, you don't know how annoying it is to have your little bro or your dad watch you as you are talking to your gf online or your friends, maybe talking about love or saying words like FUCK. It's annoying to have to hide it so damn stealthy, A-N-N-O-Y-I-N-G.
So N E wayz, my sister is hooking me up with 5.1 surround speakers for my xbox, yay! time to blow the ceiling to hell and back LMAO.
My baby is sick right now, BLAH. I wish I could be there to make it all better baby, I just wish I could take it away, but it saddens me to know that I can't do anything :(. *sigh, oh well, one day, I'll be with you whenever you need me to.
well I'm in a writing mood, but I'll go to sleep now, I dunno why, but I'm going to sleep. so nite nite errrbody!

The days

Well today was a rather strange day. I had a fight with this guy today, it was strange...First time I've had a fight, and it just stops... Why the hell didn't I just beat the living shit out of him until he couldn't take it no more? That had to be the lamest fight I"ve been in a while. I fought him cuz after all of this shit I tried to help him with, he goes on and says he wants to fuck my girlfriend, and explains how much of a fuckable person she looks like.
He deserved it, he deserved every hit, but for some reason we just stopped...I don't get it, I really don't, now that I think about it, I really don't understand why the hell I didn't just finish him off like I should have. Maybe my motives weren't clear, maybe after seeing the shit I did to his face, and after he saw what he'd been doing to me, maybe we just stopped...Who the fuck knows, but I don't plan on talking to him again.

N E wayz, things are doing better in school for once, things seem to be clearing up a little, but I still don't want to go to school at all.

My sister is coming down in 2 weeks I believe, after friggin 2 1/2 months of not seeing her. But not only do I want to see her, I want to see my baby, I need to see her...But shit, if only I could just see her whenever I felt like it, or I could just take her to the movies every weekend like I always would want to do, or go out to eat somewhere, but so many things get in the damn way.

Soooo.... I guess you can say that this year so far has been a little strange and fun at the same time. Things have changed already, I just wonder how things will be for the rest of the year...

HeLlO wOrLd

Should I be asleep? Yes. Should I be typing this at 12:10am? NO. Should have I been drinking this mountain dew next to me at this time? NO. Am I hyper? HELL YES. Do you guys even care? Maybe, maybe not. Is tomorrow going to suck bull sack? HELL YES. Do I like school? HELL NO.

Well as you can clearly tell, I'm on something. Maybe it's the dew, maybe it's the pepsi, who knows. Now getting 2hrs of sleep 2 days in a row is not necessarily recommended by your local doctor. It's obviously not recommended by my brain either, LOL. Now I signed off of MSN messenger, but...did I really want to? NO. *sigh I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself, maybe I should just break all of my bones so I can just lay on my bed for months. But then I would be homeschooled, awww damn it. I ate tacos from taco bell, mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, REGULAR TACOS, *drool.
Today I was ummmm, bored, tomorrow I'll be ummmm bored, wow this sounds like my life is pretty lame LOL. Blah, maybe I'm just a boring person all together, but oh well, at least I know someone I love can take it haha. Wow, this is probably why I love video games, if it wasn't for video games, I would have probably been the most boring person in the world.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, I"M BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORED AND HYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER, too much bloody caffeine is bad. I like the words BLOODY HELL, they are so damn awesome to say, Bloody Hell! My mountain dew is FLAT!!!
wow, I really need to get some sleep, but I won't, cuz I can't, cuz I won't, cuz I can't, cuz I won't. And because, ummmmm I CAN'T. SO POST YA TOMORROW!

but....NO?

I tried to write again, but I find myself writing about the same things over and over again. I feel like my mind is a broken record, always reminding itself of things that confuse me, always coming back to the same thought. It feels as if I'll always be confused my whole life, it feels as if my mind enjoys repeating itself constantly.
Blah is all I have to say, maybe I've grown bored of my own thought...That's certainly pretty akward, and kind of scary...

*sigh, my dad just told me to cut off the damn modem, so I'm using the computer upstairs which has a different connection. Bloody hell...my baby isn't online, FUCK. I'm glad I helped relieve some of your questions baby. Yea it seems like I won't see you for so long after that month you move. Its known that so much can change in one day, imagine 3 years. I can't wait to see what happens until you come back.
You know.........I've even taken into consideration about what you asked me about my dad letting you stay here. Like I said baby, if you really, really, really wanted to stay with me, I could seriously ask him. There is this gut feeling in me that tells me he'll say yes, I know him, he's not the type of person to say no to helping a person out, even his own son. But of course that's just a thought, hehehe. God I would love for you to stay with me, that seems like such a nice dream for me, but it also takes alot of thought. But if you ever need somewhere to stay, you know who to ask baby.
Well I'm feeling a lil hyper, I'm actually finishing a flowchart for school, I feel like writing "LICK MY SACK BITCH" on the title. I don't like my teacher at all, she's threatning to kick me out of class and putting cheating on my "Permanent Record"LOL LOL. For what??? for a fucking elective? How the hell can you possibly cheat on a damn computer assignment? Plus the person who was cheating wasn't me, it was this fucking fagget in my group who decided to use someone elses flowchart. That prick got me in serious shit, I feel like kicking his ass* MUHAHAHA, maybe I should, I haven't had a fight in a while...It would be good excersise, even if he kicks my ass, pain goes away. Wow, I'm violent, lol...MONKEY TESTICLES? oh sorry that was random... Damn it baby, I was hoping to catch you online but I guess not :( BLAH, wow I need to stop drinking this Mountain Dew, especially since it's like almost 1 am. Well I'm off to finish this bull caca of an assignment, so peace out...I LOVE YOU MI AMOR!

Indeed

Wow, what a celebration that was...New Year's Eve midnight-I celebrated in my dad's car on the way home...Came home . Then let's see, tomorrow I have to go to school again *GRRRRRRR, I hate school again, lol. Why in the hell can't they give us 2 weeks off instead of 1? Oh well, maybe this year will be kick ass, so far so good...
blah, I g2g for now, but I'll finish this blog later, *I made a new title and description.

N E wayz, on with the rest of the day. I'm supposed to be asleep by now, but all who know me well know that that's a good knee slapper, lol.
As of now I'm questioning the way I think and reason with myself. I think too much, and I reason and resolve certain things uneasily. I thank god that I don't let lots of things get to me, but I question this power of thinking too much. It's bad to think about every little thing life gives you, it's bad to analyze every little thing about yourself or any other things. People can go nuts thinking or analyzing so many things at once. Thinking too much can turn into jealousy, feeling too good or too bad for yourself, daydreaming constantly, and some other things. It can be such a drag, and it can be such a power. Like for instance, I don't know what the hell I'm talking about, or what type of conclusion I'm trying to make, that's just a side effect of thinking and typing at the same time.
I've thought about so many things, I'm still thinking about so many things, it just doesn't stop, it never will. I wouldn't mind thinking so much, if it actually gave me a good reason to think about certain things, or if it wouldn't leave me so damn confused lots of times. I don't think this year is going to be any better at trying to stop my thinking too much. This year will just bring more and more memories to ponder about, more and more stress to live on, and more and more experience to soak in. Thinking also changes my moods, like right now, I'm in "I don't give a shit" mood. I don't really care if World War 3 is outside my back yard, I just wouldn't care.
N E wayz, enough about thinking for now, well at least writing about it*
Tomorrow is going to suck major bull sack, my teacher might even kick me out of her class. I didn't finish a flowchart I was supposed to make over the vacation. I could have done it, but I didn't. I have a really bad feeling about tomorrow, I'm hoping this won't start the year off in a bad week or month.
Well I'm going to go now, before I feel dead tired tomorrow, *sigh, I wish there was a huge hurricane that could just massacre the school tomorrow, maybe that should be a good thing to think about, muhahaha, LOL.
well off the computer I go, where to? I don't know, but the time seems to be going slow, and I'm keeping this rhyme in a good flow. good night bizcratches,
P.S. I LOVE YOU BABY!!