Half a year, and more worries

So many worries come into play baby. But, that's part of what love is about I guess. It seems like your right there sometimes, it doesn't seem like your 45 mins away. 45 mins, as much as a Tv show and a half of another one. That's all it takes to see you right now, that's all the time it takes to just hold you in my arms and get lost in the moment with you.
And now your about to go further, nothing I say or do will stop you from worrying. But I just want to let you know, that everytime you say I love you, everytime you talk about what happens in your day, it feels as if I'm there with you. There will be times where I want to kiss you so badly, there will be times where maybe I will be down, but your words are all I need believe it or not. With you being far away from me, you've helped me realize that I need wake up, and pass this school year. With only words baby...I can't wait for the years to come

Happy Anniversary chikita, I love you with all my heart, 6 months of the greatest days of my life so far. Half a year of joy, half a year of being in love with the greatest girl i've ever laid eyes on. Here's to years to come ;) :D

writers block

The writer’s block comes at me again. Here my mind goes, thinking about random things. Just thinking about life in general 24/7. I feel the flow of the music that helps me write it helps me center my thoughts into an arena, waiting to battle each other for attention.
Here goes another year, a year of new experiences yet days that remind you of the past years. Days that have left a mark in your mind for years to come. Anniversaries of good things and bad things. Some you would so love to forget, some you would love to leave behind you, and some you’ll always want to keep with you. Memories are special though, they remind of you of your life before, they remind you of the stupid things you did in the past, or the great things that happened. Memories fill your soul with emotion, they remind of you of what you did and whether to not do it again. I can’t imagine what our minds would be like if we remembered every single thing we encountered in life. How would we manage such an overflow?
So here I am, thinking of the past again, thinking of the things I’ve experienced and never want to experience again. Thinking of how things would have been now if those bad memories never happened. Sometimes I wish for a time machine, a machine that would help me change my past, change the stupid things that I did, or change the things I’ve seen. But my memories are what have made me who I am today, I don’t think I could ever change them, they are stuck in my history, chapters in which I’ve finished and haven’t yet ended. Chapters filled with pain and joy, filled with thoughts and regret. But instead of living in the past, and instead of living for the future, I must focus on the present, who knows what will happen in my future, but I have to be in the present to know it.

git r done?

shit, another day. I actually had a semi good day. In class I feel so damn tired, maybe that's half of the reason i don't do work in class...I dunno, I'd love to sleep early, but i've tried to do it so many times, but i can never sleep early. everytime i try to, i end up sleeping later then i usually do. oh well, N E wayz, i'm thristy, and i think i got my appetite back :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D yay! on one part that isn't a good thing considering the fact that my dad seems to have put me on a diet, lol. he forgot to shop for food on monday, and now basically this whole week i'll be starving my ass off. oh well...

i'm sorry for how shitty my attitude was last night baby. sometimes i just get into certain moods, sometimes i just seem to not care bout anything, and i don't like that about myself. but you don't deserve that from me, you deserve who i usually am, and not something else. n e wayz, u know i love you, and i'm sorry if i pissed you off, hehe. nite for now guys, :D

ummm yea...

I feel mindless right now, as if i'm brain dead. it's a carefree mood with a touch of boredom and i dunno what else. i really don't feel like sleeping, i really don't feel like doing anything, *sigh
what the fuck ever

what a waste

what a waste of fucking time today was, there is absolutely nothing to fucking do, but cuss in blog about how gay today was.

Mierda

Tuesday...what a lame day. BOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOO
RING

After your reading your blog, I tried to decide whether writing or just blogging it would be better. I've decided that I'd rather just use regular words to say what I feel.

Ever since I first saw you I've noticed that almost every guy has liked you. I understand what they see in you, if I was another guy I would obviously go for you. You know as well as I do that you have an attraction to guys. I don't understand why it doesn't get to me though, I mean, I still feel this sense of jealousy, but I stop it dead in its tracks. I mean here I am, only seeing you maybe once a month, and these guys get to see you every week.
I've always known you've been a flirt, you always say it yourself, I knew what I was getting myself into when I wanted to date you at first. I expected to hear a story of at least one guy asking you out. I dunno exactly the right thing to say about flirting back, I mean I guess your used to it. You've gone out with me the longest out of your boyfriends. You know, all I ask, is that they don't hurt you, much older men don't give a shit, be CAREFUL baby.
If you ever had a change of heart one day, there would be nothing I could do, no one can control who they like or love. It's scary sometimes to think that one day we might have a change of heart, but life is like that, nothing we can do.
Like I've said before just be smart, use your common sense, men with more experience tend to be more trickier. That's all I can do, is give you words, and it pains me inside, I would love to cuss all those guys out, but I can't, and this is all I can say.
I love you baby, I just want you to know that. I know you wouldn't cheat on me so don't feel like rotten when you talk to them...that's all I can say for now, at least that's all I can think of...

Sweet Life of Pepsi Royalty

damn...feb 20th...time goes by so fast. indeed it is a sweet life, i can taste it, it goes down so fast though, and leaves a bad after taste...kind of like pepsi. weird comparison, but true, but life shouldn't be compared to a can of carbonated water, just the likeness of it. I feel energy again, i've been feeling so down lately, and finally my spirits were lifted. for this whole week everything i wanted to do, that i used to do, i couldn't do.
I haven't played with my xbox for so long, i've learned to live without it. i can't believe it, in a matter of a week things changed within me. It seemed that everything i exaggerated in life was taken away from me temporarily...My music, my caffeine, my games...it was as if god gave me his own punishment...but this past week taught me that i can live without them, except for my music of course... but here i am, not wanting to drink anymore of that shit, not wanting to play video games on my xbox...it feels so different without them...i mean some of you might not understand it, but it used to be part of my daily routine, every fucking day i would drink so much of pepsi or coke, and finally it got to me. *sigh oh well, good night

hola

sorry bout all those weird ass pictures, lol. I was extremely bored that day so bear with me haha.
wow, I took another long ass nap. I feel rejuvenated at least...I actually went to school today, damn was it boring. All my teachers had dissapointed looks on their faces as if they thought I skipped those 4 days of school. Even after telling that what my body was doing to me, they didn't really seem to believe me, :s , well they can believe whatever they want to believe.
My stomach feels like mush, I actually lost my appetite now, I don't feel like eating alot anymore, :( . Now I get full after I eat a slice of pizza in my school, that's just plain gay.
I was in a writing mood earlier in class, but I wanted to focus on what I was doing, so I didn't write anything, and now I forgot what I wanted to write about. Well I'll write later, peace out for now...

that's how they do it in da dirrty dirrty LOL 

this is nasty as hell LMAO 

mmmmmmm goood 

Eminem is da shit 

mid Feb

Here we are now, sort of the middle of feb. So far it hasn't really been all that good.
I read your blog baby, I think the day your mom finds out she'll understand, if what she really cares about is your happiness then I know she'll accept me. Well i guess we will see when the time comes.
2 days w/o school so far, 2 days w/o eating, 4 days w/o caffeine...what the hell is wrong with me... My dad got me this medication, he said it was from the doctor...but I seriously doubt it, because he was working all day...I might miss school tomorrow, what the hell do I have to be like this when I need to be there the most...I'm worried, deeply worried... but I can't do anything right now.
Feb. is gay, unrealistically gay, this month has been not so good, and now I don't know what the hell I'm talking about cuz the medication probably kicked in, Lol :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
PEace ouT guys

what now...

I sit here right now and i'm tryin to gather all of my thoughts again, everything I lay down in bed I think the most. And whenever I wake up from thinking so many thoughts at once, I forget most of them. I hate that, it sucks, shit today I rested for a lil bit, I thought about random things, things that I wouldn't think of normally. it's like all my thoughts gather all at once when I either take a nap or just sit down to relax. I could have written like 4 more pieces of writing, and such good things 2.
I was thinking about so many things, I don't understand how my mind could just let me forget about them.

Well valentines day is almost here... First one for me and my baby since we've been going out. I remember how liberated I was last valentines day, I just stared into my ex's eyes and flicked her off, and all she did was smile back. I can't not believe how much has changed, so many things have changed for the better since this time last year.
I'm also starting to realize that I have to change my habits again. My grades this past semester were horrible. I'm supposed to be used to it by now...
But now I'm angry at myself, for years the only thing holding me back from doing something good for myself was my grades, and because of my homework. Every single year I do bad in at least 2 classes, since elementary school it was like this. And it's all because of me, and my laziness, it's so troubling to see the grades I have a know that I could have done something to make them better, but all I did in class was put my head and sleep, or talk to ppl. So many ppl have tried to motivate me to do better in school, and nothing has ever even phased me, nothing ever motivated me to do something good in school. And look where I am now, worrying about my future, regretting my laziness, and just thinking to myself, I must do this! But I don't trust even myself to do this, I don't get it, I just don't get it, all those years I passed were because my teachers let me pass because I was so close to failing a grade. Even when I began high school, I knew I was going to get the standard diploma, meanwhile everybody else around me was shooting for the advanced one. And even my friends who seem to do nothing at all also, have actually done something, and have a high enough grade to pass. I'm dissapointed in myself right now, I have gotten so many chances, so many bones that life has tossed to me, and I've thrown it back at it's face. I want my family to be proud of me, I want my baby to marry a guy with a future and not a guy who is a dissapointment. And to me that's what makes me happy, is that everyone around me is happy, it may seem unselfish, but unfortunately I can be the most selfish person in the world, and I hate that.
So you would think this would motivate me to do something right? Well we'll see, I've awaken every system in my body to realize this, only one more year of high school, so it's my decision to make it a year of worry and busting my ass, or a year of clear sailing, and just worrying about passing...

*sigh, that's only one thought out of many that I've forgotten, I'm sure I'll remember em sometime, well goodnight ppl, wish me luck...P.S. Sweet dreams baby, I love you.

Alone at Night

Alone at night, every single thought takes flight. I try to hug you and all I grasp is air, I sense your presence but all I see is blackness. I imagine you are here with me physically, because you are always here next to me mentally. It’s not something I love to feel, it’s not something I love having to deal with, wanting you here next to me is something I always feel. There is no sense of having you too close to me, every time I see you I want you closer to me. There are always thoughts of not being able to deal with this lingering in my mind. They are the thoughts that float around my mind seeking to bring negativity into my system. Sometimes I don’t like thinking so much; they come at such wrong moments, the floaters try so hard to break me, to break my happiness. They are the thoughts that bring me jealousy, greed, unhappiness, and negativity. The floaters attack my memories of you, they attack my thoughts of you, and they come so swiftly just to snatch a certain smile off my face whenever I think of you.
No worries though, for now the floaters have settled deep into my mind, waiting to spring at my thoughts with their feelings of distrust and negativity.
Once again I feel the loneliness, I try to kiss you, but I just smack my lips together as if they have gotten wet off of yours. It’s all I can do for now my love; it’s all my heart desires is just you. I cherish every moment with you, knowing that soon I will have to sit here once again, and feel this loneliness.
All these thoughts just rush out, the paragraphs are what help you separate my thoughts, but there aren’t any separations in my mind. I remember doubting my love for you, I remember trying to forget about you, all I can do right now is ask myself, Why? I remember seeing you with someone else for the first time, and all I kept thinking was, "as long as she’s happy". That’s all that matters to me, is that you are happy. It doesn’t matter whether you leave me; I will always want you to be happy. I can’t bear to see a sign of discontentment on your face; I can’t bear to see a tear drop from your eye knowing that it was I who caused it. Why do I care for you so much? Your eyes, your body, your soul, all of them so delicate to me, all I want to do is take care of you.
So many things change my love, I have said this so many times, but that’s because I have relived every moment of change so many times. It’s so hard to view my future without you, it’s so hard to sit here and think that I might not have you in my future if things change for the worse. It’s so hard to sit here, and to know that I can not do anything about it. Every single muscle in my body craves you, how could I ever keep myself sane without you? I try, I try so hard to be the best I can be for you. I have so much to lose with you. It’s so sad to know that one-day we will think to ourselves, "does he/she still love me?" My whole entire soul will miss you my love, the years will pass, and the months will come so fast. All I will ever think about is you when you leave this place. So much waiting will occur, I will have so much of a desperation to see you. And at the end of the waiting, look at the prize I will get, I will get my future.

As I have said, my thoughts contain no barriers, but each thought is lined with you on them.

Long Overdue

Wow sorry bout the 2 week gap,haha. Well let's see, I had the best weekend of my life, (again) with my baby. Then I had the shortest school week of my life hehehe. My room is finished, my surround system kicks ass, but I'm still missing my baby next to me :( . All of this materialistic stuff is nothing compared to her, once I have her next to me everyday, I won't ask for another present again.
January ended on a really good note, so far so good for this year. But it scares me, if I have a good beginning to a year, then that means that the end of this year will be very bad to me, *sigh, let's pray nothing bad happens.
I wanna release a lot of my writings into this blog right now, but I dont have the time nor patience to type it all up. But once I get really bored I'll do it, I'm sure I will.
Let's hope Feb. will be another good month...