Alone at Night

Alone at night, every single thought takes flight. I try to hug you and all I grasp is air, I sense your presence but all I see is blackness. I imagine you are here with me physically, because you are always here next to me mentally. It’s not something I love to feel, it’s not something I love having to deal with, wanting you here next to me is something I always feel. There is no sense of having you too close to me, every time I see you I want you closer to me. There are always thoughts of not being able to deal with this lingering in my mind. They are the thoughts that float around my mind seeking to bring negativity into my system. Sometimes I don’t like thinking so much; they come at such wrong moments, the floaters try so hard to break me, to break my happiness. They are the thoughts that bring me jealousy, greed, unhappiness, and negativity. The floaters attack my memories of you, they attack my thoughts of you, and they come so swiftly just to snatch a certain smile off my face whenever I think of you.
No worries though, for now the floaters have settled deep into my mind, waiting to spring at my thoughts with their feelings of distrust and negativity.
Once again I feel the loneliness, I try to kiss you, but I just smack my lips together as if they have gotten wet off of yours. It’s all I can do for now my love; it’s all my heart desires is just you. I cherish every moment with you, knowing that soon I will have to sit here once again, and feel this loneliness.
All these thoughts just rush out, the paragraphs are what help you separate my thoughts, but there aren’t any separations in my mind. I remember doubting my love for you, I remember trying to forget about you, all I can do right now is ask myself, Why? I remember seeing you with someone else for the first time, and all I kept thinking was, "as long as she’s happy". That’s all that matters to me, is that you are happy. It doesn’t matter whether you leave me; I will always want you to be happy. I can’t bear to see a sign of discontentment on your face; I can’t bear to see a tear drop from your eye knowing that it was I who caused it. Why do I care for you so much? Your eyes, your body, your soul, all of them so delicate to me, all I want to do is take care of you.
So many things change my love, I have said this so many times, but that’s because I have relived every moment of change so many times. It’s so hard to view my future without you, it’s so hard to sit here and think that I might not have you in my future if things change for the worse. It’s so hard to sit here, and to know that I can not do anything about it. Every single muscle in my body craves you, how could I ever keep myself sane without you? I try, I try so hard to be the best I can be for you. I have so much to lose with you. It’s so sad to know that one-day we will think to ourselves, "does he/she still love me?" My whole entire soul will miss you my love, the years will pass, and the months will come so fast. All I will ever think about is you when you leave this place. So much waiting will occur, I will have so much of a desperation to see you. And at the end of the waiting, look at the prize I will get, I will get my future.

As I have said, my thoughts contain no barriers, but each thought is lined with you on them.