The Mind that loves?

There they are left to right surrounding me, surrounding everything I hold. They ask for my time, they ask for my mind, they question my every action and question the past. Questions of the past, questions of the future, they clog my arteries, they halt my conscience. But things seem so quiet, my heart is peaceful, my body seems equivalent, yet my mind is filled with such things. Always there, always lurking in the back of my mind. Building, and building till they explode, till my emotions are filled with each one multiplying like a strand of bacteria.
So quickly I fall to them, so quickly they control. And here is this once stable red muscle, the red muscle that holds so much emotion, so much pain, so much love, so much hate, the red muscle that holds everything together. The red muscle is over taken by them, they seep into it, they destroy the barriers, releasing everything at once, and everything that was once held together is untamed.
Everything is changed, all has been lost to them, now they control everything, and my conscience is covered. I become deaf to many things, I become deaf to that red muscle that once gave me clarity and once gave me joy.
Things don’t become simple any more, life seems so cold, a barren tundra with no life in it. I look to the horizon of this tundra, I see the sun, and it dries out every attempt of me coming back to life. Crying out does not good, trying to release what has already overtaken everything becomes pointless.
All of this happens behind closed doors, unnoticeable to the senile person I have become.

I spend each day as if nothing is wrong, as if nothing is happening. Hiding behind my laughter, hiding behind my face is the truth to everything. They have locked access to my own red muscle, I feel no tears running down my face anymore, I don’t feel sorrow or pity anyone anymore. All that matters is the thoughts that clutter my soul.
Until everything is released, until things can become too late, I finally broke through the blindness and the deafness of my own red muscle. They have made me doubt, they have made me negative, how dare they. They are thoughts, evil ones, ones that laugh at your future, ones that deny having your dreams come true. Thoughts that demolish your heart, thoughts that make you selfish, until their needs are satisfied they don’t stop coming. The only thing that satisfies them are answers, but they are stupid answers for stupid thoughts…But never will my mind be use to love again, logical does not defeat emotion.

Don’t blame my mind for being overtaken, don’t blame my heart for giving up, don’t even blame the thoughts for destroying everything. For they come each and every day, but it’s how you choose to handle it…