You know things are getting interesting when your web browser recognizes the fact that you are looking for a job so much that it suggests career websites for you. Or the fact that your favorites tab now has job listings on it.
In the back of my head I keep thinking, I have a job, wtf am I doing spending my vacation looking for one? But I guess when your bank account has less than what they take out of taxes per paycheck and you have a family to take care of, then you realize that you don't make as much as you thought.
Things have been going downhill for weeks, and it seems like there is no end to the madness. Everyday it seems I worry about something different, what bill do we have to pay today? I get up every morning hoping someone will call my damn phone for at least an interview and yet nothing happens. As the money disappears slowly, so does your sanity.
I think about all the people who come to my job who keep telling me how broke they are, then you pull up their accounts and they have twice or three times as much as you do. I remember when I used to think the same way. Unfortunately, its a little different when you really are fucked. The funny thing is I've been in this situation before, many times in my life. Yet those times were with myself, I could careless if I had to eat ramen noodles everyday to save money. After a while I might starve to death but at least it would be just me. But I can't stand to tell my wife I can't buy her a 20 or 30 dollar cell phone, I can't stand to think about how many times a month Joshua eats and dreading seeing the bottom of his formula can because in the back of my mind I know its going to cost another arm and a leg.
To tell the truth, I'm just tired, exhausted from thinking about all the possibilities of getting out of this situation and none of those ideas have worked.
To top it all off, Zulen can't go to school this year or next because they denied her financial aid because of a situation that happened last year. They want us to pay for a full semester before they consider giving her financial aid. Well that would be great if we could afford it in the first place.
Life is funny sometimes, you can go from point A to point B in a matter of minutes. Sometimes you want to blame yourself for being in these situations. I just feel like something has got to give, I can't imagine not being able to make the rent, I love this apartment, I feel like this apartment gives us a sense of accomplishment that would shatter our confidence if we ever had to give it up.
I guess the only thing left to do is keep trying, keep praying that nothing else will happen that will further strain us.
3 comments:
I'm sorry you're going through this. :(
Is there help you can get from social services? There might be programs out there that can help...dont be ashamed please.
I was on food stamps once...when I was alone with Kayla. Living in tio's house, abuelita watching kayla while i worked, then eventually getting help from the county for dayare...oh to remember all that we went through..but i can tell you everything will be ok.
you will find a way..don't lose faith.
yea we tried :(, and they said I make too much money, go figure. It doesn't really make sense how the system works sometimes. But somehow we'll find a way, we have to. I just find it amazing how they say the economy is getting better, yet it seems things are getting worse.
But I guess we'll see, we are already on WIC but unfortunately they don't provide Enfamil, they give us Good Start and Joshua gets real bad constipation and vomits almost every time we feed it to him.
I'm sorry Mike :( Like V said, don't lose faith brother.
Going to get some money soon for school, (hope it pulls through) then I'll be sending you some Giftcards. I know right now you're stressing. Is there anyway you could talk to the people at WIC and explain to them about Joshua's reaction to the milk they provide and maybe because it's a medical reason they'd reconsider?
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