Well finafrigginly, it's the last day of 2004. How I wish I could have spent it with you baby, one day we'll enjoy everything together, it's just a matter of time and patience. N E wayz, another party is today, blah...I bet on it that everybody will at least be a little drunk. My internet was down for a while, now it's up again, but barely :( I'm gonna take my xbox to my cousins house, but I don't think I can use his wireless internet :( So in a way it's going to be a sad last day, considering the fact that I can't talk to the person I'll be thinking about the most.
So I'm hoping everybody out there has a wonderful New Year's Eve, bring the next year with some good, start it off right, and just expect the best and the worst from it.
Good things to look forward to next year*
Zulen turns 18
I turn 17
I become a senior
One Year Anniversary
More tyte ass games, Xbox 2, PS3, and Nintendo Revolution finally revealed at E3 2005
And alot more shit I'm sure
Well time to get wasted LMAO, peace out ppl.
Friday, December 31, 2004
Thursday, December 30, 2004
not even if???????????
yes, you guessed it ppl, insomnia once again...no point in sleeping when so much thought is in your head, it would just make me daydream the next day instead. For some weird ass reason I can't seem to stop thinking about everything, I ask myself why I must think about so much at night?
I'm reading a postcard by my mother...I don't know what to think anymore...I want to believe so much that she has changed, but I'm scared that she hasn't. For the first time in all the years that I have been with her, I actually miss her...I'm sad to know that maybe it's too late for her to come back into our lives now, my dad seems to have made a decision, a decision that me and my sisters alike despise. It feels as if something is still missing, it so true that you never appreciate what you have until you don't have it. I don't have a mother, never did...but I wish she becomes better, I wish she could be normal, I've always wondered how it would have been if she was acting like an actual mom. I don't know, it's so strange to hate someone, and then miss them for the same thing you've hated them for. I'm not saying I miss the way she treated us, in reality I hated the fact that she was there, so that's what I miss, I miss her being there.
It's so hard to live a life of bullshit, saying that this person next to you is your mother, or hugging someone you hate, smiling at them for the bullshit they have put you through...I don't want this shit anymore, I hate faking so much every fucking day just to make my dad happy. Fuck her for treating him like shit, I would gladly ruin her life once she does it again.
I want the person who has always loved my dad back, and I know she still does. I know he does too, but he stupidly had a kid with this wench, and now everything is fucked.
But once again I'm scared of going through the same thing we have so gladly passed. It just doesn't seem right to me, I hate this women who is with my dad right now, she doesn't deserve him, she doesn't deserve to call me her son, she can go fuck herself and have a son of her own.
Maybe I'm being too vulgar, but that's the only way I can express my anger towards her, the only other way of doing that would be to kick her out of this country forever, and I would be happy. But my dad is a grown man, he makes his own decisions, and I seriously doubt this one however, but just to make him happy, even though it sickens me, I will agree with it for now.
But nothing will ever change the fact that I want my mom back, but there is nothing I can do, all I can do is smile and wave, and say hi to a person I really want to say bye to.
Well that's only one thing out of a billion more thoughts in my mind, shows you how loaded on Mountain Dew I am. But N E wayz, I'm still wondering what this year will bring, I don't want it to begin, but everything must have a beginning...
I'm reading a postcard by my mother...I don't know what to think anymore...I want to believe so much that she has changed, but I'm scared that she hasn't. For the first time in all the years that I have been with her, I actually miss her...I'm sad to know that maybe it's too late for her to come back into our lives now, my dad seems to have made a decision, a decision that me and my sisters alike despise. It feels as if something is still missing, it so true that you never appreciate what you have until you don't have it. I don't have a mother, never did...but I wish she becomes better, I wish she could be normal, I've always wondered how it would have been if she was acting like an actual mom. I don't know, it's so strange to hate someone, and then miss them for the same thing you've hated them for. I'm not saying I miss the way she treated us, in reality I hated the fact that she was there, so that's what I miss, I miss her being there.
It's so hard to live a life of bullshit, saying that this person next to you is your mother, or hugging someone you hate, smiling at them for the bullshit they have put you through...I don't want this shit anymore, I hate faking so much every fucking day just to make my dad happy. Fuck her for treating him like shit, I would gladly ruin her life once she does it again.
I want the person who has always loved my dad back, and I know she still does. I know he does too, but he stupidly had a kid with this wench, and now everything is fucked.
But once again I'm scared of going through the same thing we have so gladly passed. It just doesn't seem right to me, I hate this women who is with my dad right now, she doesn't deserve him, she doesn't deserve to call me her son, she can go fuck herself and have a son of her own.
Maybe I'm being too vulgar, but that's the only way I can express my anger towards her, the only other way of doing that would be to kick her out of this country forever, and I would be happy. But my dad is a grown man, he makes his own decisions, and I seriously doubt this one however, but just to make him happy, even though it sickens me, I will agree with it for now.
But nothing will ever change the fact that I want my mom back, but there is nothing I can do, all I can do is smile and wave, and say hi to a person I really want to say bye to.
Well that's only one thing out of a billion more thoughts in my mind, shows you how loaded on Mountain Dew I am. But N E wayz, I'm still wondering what this year will bring, I don't want it to begin, but everything must have a beginning...
Tuesday, December 28, 2004
2004
I know the year isn't over just yet, but I decided I'd tell you about it anyway.
Year of just pure bad luck, it went by so damn fast though. I remember when I was still living in springfield at the beginning of the year...blah, I made the worst decision by going out with someone I eventually hated, and that was the first decision of the whole year...*what a way to start if off* Lets see...January, I don't remember too much about January, cept that my sister wasn't here to celebrate her birthday with us for the first time in like 20 years.
Febuary, I broke up with that biatch, my dad was in major debt...
March, fuck March..fighting still,
April, getting ready to move :(... by this time it finally hit me that I was going away from Lee High forever.
June,worst month of the year, while we were moving so much shit happened to us along the way, my dad had an accident...it was raining everytime we moved our stuff to the new house...and lots more.
July, was ok, but it was for me, not for another person I know...
August,now were talkin, I got closer to my baby, after months of lying to myself about liking her, I finally got her back. Best month ever*
September, was gay, first month of school, I realized that I knew no one, and that I would never have any real friends coming from this school.
October, that was also pretty good, 2 special weekends
November,...NOT EVEN IF
December,...I had another great weekend, Christmas was good, but that's it.
I say good bye to this short but crucial year, I'm hoping 2005 will be good, but I always have my doubts...what will happen next year??? *Only god knows
Year of just pure bad luck, it went by so damn fast though. I remember when I was still living in springfield at the beginning of the year...blah, I made the worst decision by going out with someone I eventually hated, and that was the first decision of the whole year...*what a way to start if off* Lets see...January, I don't remember too much about January, cept that my sister wasn't here to celebrate her birthday with us for the first time in like 20 years.
Febuary, I broke up with that biatch, my dad was in major debt...
March, fuck March..fighting still,
April, getting ready to move :(... by this time it finally hit me that I was going away from Lee High forever.
June,worst month of the year, while we were moving so much shit happened to us along the way, my dad had an accident...it was raining everytime we moved our stuff to the new house...and lots more.
July, was ok, but it was for me, not for another person I know...
August,now were talkin, I got closer to my baby, after months of lying to myself about liking her, I finally got her back. Best month ever*
September, was gay, first month of school, I realized that I knew no one, and that I would never have any real friends coming from this school.
October, that was also pretty good, 2 special weekends
November,...NOT EVEN IF
December,...I had another great weekend, Christmas was good, but that's it.
I say good bye to this short but crucial year, I'm hoping 2005 will be good, but I always have my doubts...what will happen next year??? *Only god knows
Wednesday, December 22, 2004
Sleep...BAAAAAAD
don't you hate it when you can't sleep? shigady I know I do...too much shigadies on my mind right now, I can't seem to close my eyes if it killed me.
I'm looking forward to christmas this saturday, this is the first year ever that my family is going to spend christmas in their own houses :( It's kind of strange to tell you the truth, as my family grows, we seem to grow apart for some reason. I'm used to having everybody in the family at one big place, but all of my cousins are celebrating at their own houses, my brother, my sisters, all of them celebrating at their own houses. Oh well, that doesn't really matter right now, my biggest thoughts are all on my baby of course.
Then I'm thinking about what the hell I'm going to do tomorrow for gel, I seem to have lost it at my babies house and now I don't have anything to tame my crazy ass hair. I'm going to hate tomorrow, that's for sure...
Almost 2 am...blah...I hate not being able to sleep...god I miss you so much baby...those juicy kisses...that la la land you put me in when we kiss...I miss this weekend...mmmm pepsi...oh sorry...
Monday was gay, today was gay, tomorrow will be gayer then today, thursday will be ok, friday will rock ass, saturday will be even better, and then finally sunday...well screw sunday.
*sigh I won't have this spacious basement all to myself anymore soon...I'm actually getting my room built after 6 months of waiting. But I love the basement, it's so private, but I guess it'll be even more private with my room *an actual door*. hehehe you know your always welcome to come over baby hehehe, I'm always alone anyway, no one is ever here in this godforsaken house.
I need a job...target is not hiring anymore...my dad told me I should wait...but I need to make my own money, cuz he won't even buy me a friggin bottle of gel for crying out loud. N E wayz, I'm just typing random thoughts right now, I don't even know what the hell I'm talking about...but it is helping me sleep *:)* all next week I don't know what the hell I'm gonna do...I'm gonna be alone the whole damn week, doing nothing. tomorrow will be the same, and so will thursday. Makes me wonder sometimes why I want to stay home so much. But I guess I've gotten used to being left alone in the house, since June of this year I've been alone 85% of the time in the house. It was different when my sisters were here, but I've gotten used to them being away too.
Uh oh...sheep...jumping over fences in my head...1...2...3...4...5...blah...wolf ate them whole...my modem just reseted again...I'm gonna get a shotgun...brb.............................................................ok got it...*POW POW POW* "fucking modem from hell"...oh sorry...that was uncalled for...N E wayz...I have nothing else to talk about...but I'm still thinking about something...I don't even know what it is...but oh well...I g2g to sleep...err at least try 2...can't wait to get tomorrow over with.
I'm looking forward to christmas this saturday, this is the first year ever that my family is going to spend christmas in their own houses :( It's kind of strange to tell you the truth, as my family grows, we seem to grow apart for some reason. I'm used to having everybody in the family at one big place, but all of my cousins are celebrating at their own houses, my brother, my sisters, all of them celebrating at their own houses. Oh well, that doesn't really matter right now, my biggest thoughts are all on my baby of course.
Then I'm thinking about what the hell I'm going to do tomorrow for gel, I seem to have lost it at my babies house and now I don't have anything to tame my crazy ass hair. I'm going to hate tomorrow, that's for sure...
Almost 2 am...blah...I hate not being able to sleep...god I miss you so much baby...those juicy kisses...that la la land you put me in when we kiss...I miss this weekend...mmmm pepsi...oh sorry...
Monday was gay, today was gay, tomorrow will be gayer then today, thursday will be ok, friday will rock ass, saturday will be even better, and then finally sunday...well screw sunday.
*sigh I won't have this spacious basement all to myself anymore soon...I'm actually getting my room built after 6 months of waiting. But I love the basement, it's so private, but I guess it'll be even more private with my room *an actual door*. hehehe you know your always welcome to come over baby hehehe, I'm always alone anyway, no one is ever here in this godforsaken house.
I need a job...target is not hiring anymore...my dad told me I should wait...but I need to make my own money, cuz he won't even buy me a friggin bottle of gel for crying out loud. N E wayz, I'm just typing random thoughts right now, I don't even know what the hell I'm talking about...but it is helping me sleep *:)* all next week I don't know what the hell I'm gonna do...I'm gonna be alone the whole damn week, doing nothing. tomorrow will be the same, and so will thursday. Makes me wonder sometimes why I want to stay home so much. But I guess I've gotten used to being left alone in the house, since June of this year I've been alone 85% of the time in the house. It was different when my sisters were here, but I've gotten used to them being away too.
Uh oh...sheep...jumping over fences in my head...1...2...3...4...5...blah...wolf ate them whole...my modem just reseted again...I'm gonna get a shotgun...brb.............................................................ok got it...*POW POW POW* "fucking modem from hell"...oh sorry...that was uncalled for...N E wayz...I have nothing else to talk about...but I'm still thinking about something...I don't even know what it is...but oh well...I g2g to sleep...err at least try 2...can't wait to get tomorrow over with.
Tuesday, December 21, 2004
Cruel as it is
So the weekend passes, it was a short one, but the feelings are not short lived. Insomnia has obviously taken me over, whether I wanted it to or not. So many thoughts going at once, no where to stop, no where to settle down and calm them. The thought that saddens me the most, is the fact that you will be more distant then I want you to be. Life is such a cycle, a cycle of happiness, pain, loneliness, excitement, and sometimes all of them at once. It is cruel to those that experience one of the cycles to long, it is so cruel, I ask myself how or why it must be this way every single day of my life. I found true love in you baby, I found that cycle of happiness all in you. But as I have learned so many times in the past, I must not be naive as to what the future can bring, I must expect anything.
2005 will prove to be a strangely mixed cycle of life, and I have expected the best from to the worst, as I do every year. It hasn't hit me yet, I haven't felt the sudden punch of realization that I have to in order to really truly feel that you will be much further from me soon. But I have no regrets, I have cherished and used the time I had with you wisely. Life can take it's evil turns any second baby, but nothing will change or make me forget the way I feel for you. I look at it like this, nothing in this world is worth dying for, nothing else in this world is worth changing for, nothing in this world is worth my love except for you. I love the way you have weakened me with your eyes, I love the way you have touched me with your heart, no one else can do that to me, but you.
So of course my negative mind (my enemy since the day I learned to think) comes into place. It asks me if waiting for you is really worth it, I laugh at it, I simply smile and nod my head. You are such a special girl, I've never seen any girl as special as you, I could never think of throwing away such a gift as you. If I ever did, I would lose faith in myself, I would change for the worse.
Sure I'll miss your kisses, I'll miss holding you tightly in my arms and feeling our hearts create warmth, I'll miss those light brown eyes that seem to be a neverending weakener for me. But I know that my patience will pay off, for the first time in my life I will be patient :) Because I know that one day we will be together for so long, and I know that as I grow older with you, I will look back on this year, and I will be proud to have waited. I will be proud to know that the months of waiting, turned into years of joy, with the girl I love.
I look forward to seeing you again, until then, this weekend will replay in my mind, I love you mi amor.
To: Caramelitos (in response to your post)
2005 will prove to be a strangely mixed cycle of life, and I have expected the best from to the worst, as I do every year. It hasn't hit me yet, I haven't felt the sudden punch of realization that I have to in order to really truly feel that you will be much further from me soon. But I have no regrets, I have cherished and used the time I had with you wisely. Life can take it's evil turns any second baby, but nothing will change or make me forget the way I feel for you. I look at it like this, nothing in this world is worth dying for, nothing else in this world is worth changing for, nothing in this world is worth my love except for you. I love the way you have weakened me with your eyes, I love the way you have touched me with your heart, no one else can do that to me, but you.
So of course my negative mind (my enemy since the day I learned to think) comes into place. It asks me if waiting for you is really worth it, I laugh at it, I simply smile and nod my head. You are such a special girl, I've never seen any girl as special as you, I could never think of throwing away such a gift as you. If I ever did, I would lose faith in myself, I would change for the worse.
Sure I'll miss your kisses, I'll miss holding you tightly in my arms and feeling our hearts create warmth, I'll miss those light brown eyes that seem to be a neverending weakener for me. But I know that my patience will pay off, for the first time in my life I will be patient :) Because I know that one day we will be together for so long, and I know that as I grow older with you, I will look back on this year, and I will be proud to have waited. I will be proud to know that the months of waiting, turned into years of joy, with the girl I love.
I look forward to seeing you again, until then, this weekend will replay in my mind, I love you mi amor.
To: Caramelitos (in response to your post)
Wednesday, December 15, 2004
The child of love
Here is something I wrote this morning at like 1:oo AM
THE CHILD OF LOVE
The truth is revealed
It is no longer concealed
I can no longer hide behind this faint shield
The dreams are joyful
The thoughts are delightful
And the feelings are anything but spiteful
I linger in this world of contentment
I cherish this release of torment
No more days of resentment
I am blind
Blind to a love so kind
Blinded by a love that is so hard to find
My heart is full
Love is such a great tool
It has repaired the damages caused of when I was a fool
Who would have known?
This love is not ment to be shown
But this is not something my heart will condone
So much time spent in the past
But the present is moving so fast
And I know for a fact that our future will last
Words of the heart
Beginning from the start
Made into a love of art
The thoughts are wild
In this here child
Who is in love, but this love is past mild
Daydreaming each day
A heart in love seems to always have something to say
Feeling love in each and every way
No longer confused
No longer feeling used
No longer telling lies simply to be amused
Great times ahead
But now the thoughts have taken an end
And I must go to bed :)
THE CHILD OF LOVE
The truth is revealed
It is no longer concealed
I can no longer hide behind this faint shield
The dreams are joyful
The thoughts are delightful
And the feelings are anything but spiteful
I linger in this world of contentment
I cherish this release of torment
No more days of resentment
I am blind
Blind to a love so kind
Blinded by a love that is so hard to find
My heart is full
Love is such a great tool
It has repaired the damages caused of when I was a fool
Who would have known?
This love is not ment to be shown
But this is not something my heart will condone
So much time spent in the past
But the present is moving so fast
And I know for a fact that our future will last
Words of the heart
Beginning from the start
Made into a love of art
The thoughts are wild
In this here child
Who is in love, but this love is past mild
Daydreaming each day
A heart in love seems to always have something to say
Feeling love in each and every way
No longer confused
No longer feeling used
No longer telling lies simply to be amused
Great times ahead
But now the thoughts have taken an end
And I must go to bed :)
Sunday, December 12, 2004
Life of a true gamer
Stepping out of the world of reality, so many of us live in it. Some take this subject to heart, and some think of it as a waste of time. I have been in love with video games since I can remember, seeing the excitement that comes out of people, seeing the characters use their special powers. For once it seemed like I was someone else, instead of just plain old me in reality. I will never forget the first time I ever played a video game. I will never forget the joy it brought me, I forgot about everything, I forgot about myself for the time I was playing it. I played for 3 days straight, beating the levels again and again. Now video games offer more excitement, more thinking, more fantasy in which we can live in. But there is always a limit to things in life, too much or too little of something is bad, there must always be a balance. And I have taken this into consideration, and though I love video games to death, I will never base my life in the fantasy world it brings to me, I must always realize that there is a real world in which I live in.
I don't know for how long my love for video games will continue, or if it will ever disappear, but I do know that each year the games get better and better, and I know I won't want to miss out on any of it.
I don't know for how long my love for video games will continue, or if it will ever disappear, but I do know that each year the games get better and better, and I know I won't want to miss out on any of it.
Wednesday, December 08, 2004
TUNGKA!!?
LOL...I'm VERY, VERY, VERY, VERY, friggin tired. Today is when I noticed that I'm officially not in as good as shape as I used to be :(...Oh well, I'm most def. aiming to get to where I was and even better. Sorry about the little gap between posts, I've been kind of too lazy to post, but I'm gonna start to try my best to post more often. NE FRIGGIN WAYZ, I'm having a good day today. Today in the morning I blinded my teacher with the glare that came from my watch in class today. It wasn't my fault, really...it wasn't...*evil laugh*...the sun was behind me, and I just aimed for his eye, but at least he didn't know who did it, muhahaha.
Yea wrote that this morning in 2nd period, later on in Adv. P.E. I ran 10 MILES!!! My legs are killing me, I think they are about to fall off, all day ppl said I was acting weird...I guess I'm not normally mello. N E wayz, I'm staying home from school tomorrow to take care of my bro. THANK GOD!!!! oh sorry..hehe..I seriously don't think I can walk anymore, so that's a good thing I'll be resting my ass off tomorrow all damn day :)
Nothing happened in school today, cept my friends want to beat the living shit out of this kid, of course they want me to help in case there is any more ppl to deal with. *sigh, and to think I was looking forward to not fighting anymore this school year, I kind of see it as pointless as the months pass by, but then again, some ppl need to be taught a lesson, and that's what it should be meant for.
WHY WON"T IT FRIGGIN SNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! IT WON"T FRIGGIN SNOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!!!! the friggin clouds are filled with moisture just waiting to burst out, and then the stupid temperature always has to be above freezing, damn iT!!!!! I want at least a week off of school, I would enjoy every minute of it, but of course, mother nature doesnt want that to happen to me...oh well, maybe January will git er dun... PTFO
P.S. Te amo mi amor...(for caramelitos)
Yea wrote that this morning in 2nd period, later on in Adv. P.E. I ran 10 MILES!!! My legs are killing me, I think they are about to fall off, all day ppl said I was acting weird...I guess I'm not normally mello. N E wayz, I'm staying home from school tomorrow to take care of my bro. THANK GOD!!!! oh sorry..hehe..I seriously don't think I can walk anymore, so that's a good thing I'll be resting my ass off tomorrow all damn day :)
Nothing happened in school today, cept my friends want to beat the living shit out of this kid, of course they want me to help in case there is any more ppl to deal with. *sigh, and to think I was looking forward to not fighting anymore this school year, I kind of see it as pointless as the months pass by, but then again, some ppl need to be taught a lesson, and that's what it should be meant for.
WHY WON"T IT FRIGGIN SNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! IT WON"T FRIGGIN SNOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!!!! the friggin clouds are filled with moisture just waiting to burst out, and then the stupid temperature always has to be above freezing, damn iT!!!!! I want at least a week off of school, I would enjoy every minute of it, but of course, mother nature doesnt want that to happen to me...oh well, maybe January will git er dun... PTFO
P.S. Te amo mi amor...(for caramelitos)
Friday, December 03, 2004
Umm, I kind of ran out of titles...lol
SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...Another bloody boring day, except today I actually had soccer practice because the coach of the team said that I can actually try out this year, even though my grades were much less then perfect first quarter. I was supposed talk to my baby tonight, but my dad made me install windows xp into his comp, I came about exactly one minute after you said bye baby, I'm sorry, hopefully you're dreaming about something good right now :)
So here comes the weekend, tomorrow seems to another boring day, and Sunday I have no clue, I might go to my sisters, but I highly doubt it. I made a Christmas list today, and I hope I get at least 75% of the things I asked for, but I usually do.
Things seem to be chilling out between my dad and his GF, to tell you the truth, I want her to move out so badly, but somehow something changed today, and they started talking to each other like nothing happened, WEIRD ASS RELATIONSHIP! I can't believe my dad is still letting her live with us considering all the shit he's found out about her, and what she has done. I don't understand it, I don't care for it one bit, I want her to move out, not only from the house, but from our lives. *sigh, I guess my dad will never learn, I guess he still wants to be with her, so I guess I have to start another year of acting like I enjoy her company (and I do quite a good job I might add ;) )
I started wondering about my little hobby of video games today. I kind of wondered if I play way too much, I dunno, I just hate ignoring my baby everytime I play. I get so concentrated and so into the game that I sometimes don't even talk to her while we play. I don't like the fact that I tend to do that, but it's such a habit not to talk to anyone while I play (oh yea, I'm talking about xbox live, where you can play games online, and speak to everyone playing). But then I see the people that dedicate their lives to video gaming, and I know that I will never be that way, EVER. These people quit their jobs just so they can get their hands on a new video game that comes out, they break up with their GF's just because they feel that they are too distracted from them while they are playing.
blah...blah...blah, I feel so friggin bored right now...maybe I should go outside and run...sike...my ass I am...but I do feel like it...damn it baby I wish you were here with me, then I know for a fact I wouldn't be bored ;)...PEPSI!!...oh shit...I finished it :(...oh wait...RC COLA!!...shit that's gone 2...*sigh...*sigh...fuck...I just noticed something...I have to wake up early tomorrow, BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! waking up early on a friggin saturday *thanks alot dad LOL*...I am no where near tired...maybe I should take some Nyquil for no reason...or just hit my head with a baseball bat...that would do the job...I like typing like this...because it's just cool...you gonna stop me?...HUH?...that's what I thought...*sigh...well the bed looks really good now...but I'm still not tired...maybe I shouldn't have drank that Mountain Dew 2-liter so fast...for once I feel giggly...wow that was gay...never again...giggly is gay...so is this post...so for now peace the fuck out...PEPSI KING!
So here comes the weekend, tomorrow seems to another boring day, and Sunday I have no clue, I might go to my sisters, but I highly doubt it. I made a Christmas list today, and I hope I get at least 75% of the things I asked for, but I usually do.
Things seem to be chilling out between my dad and his GF, to tell you the truth, I want her to move out so badly, but somehow something changed today, and they started talking to each other like nothing happened, WEIRD ASS RELATIONSHIP! I can't believe my dad is still letting her live with us considering all the shit he's found out about her, and what she has done. I don't understand it, I don't care for it one bit, I want her to move out, not only from the house, but from our lives. *sigh, I guess my dad will never learn, I guess he still wants to be with her, so I guess I have to start another year of acting like I enjoy her company (and I do quite a good job I might add ;) )
I started wondering about my little hobby of video games today. I kind of wondered if I play way too much, I dunno, I just hate ignoring my baby everytime I play. I get so concentrated and so into the game that I sometimes don't even talk to her while we play. I don't like the fact that I tend to do that, but it's such a habit not to talk to anyone while I play (oh yea, I'm talking about xbox live, where you can play games online, and speak to everyone playing). But then I see the people that dedicate their lives to video gaming, and I know that I will never be that way, EVER. These people quit their jobs just so they can get their hands on a new video game that comes out, they break up with their GF's just because they feel that they are too distracted from them while they are playing.
blah...blah...blah, I feel so friggin bored right now...maybe I should go outside and run...sike...my ass I am...but I do feel like it...damn it baby I wish you were here with me, then I know for a fact I wouldn't be bored ;)...PEPSI!!...oh shit...I finished it :(...oh wait...RC COLA!!...shit that's gone 2...*sigh...*sigh...fuck...I just noticed something...I have to wake up early tomorrow, BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! waking up early on a friggin saturday *thanks alot dad LOL*...I am no where near tired...maybe I should take some Nyquil for no reason...or just hit my head with a baseball bat...that would do the job...I like typing like this...because it's just cool...you gonna stop me?...HUH?...that's what I thought...*sigh...well the bed looks really good now...but I'm still not tired...maybe I shouldn't have drank that Mountain Dew 2-liter so fast...for once I feel giggly...wow that was gay...never again...giggly is gay...so is this post...so for now peace the fuck out...PEPSI KING!
Wednesday, December 01, 2004
life, the love/hate relationship
why thank you once again life, are you fucking happy now? I can see mother nature laughing at me right now, life is joining in too. God is asking why they are laughing, and all they do is point at me and roll on the floor laughing. God doesnt seem to care, and mother nature is being a bitch, and now life is being a jerk.
but of course the when it rains it pours, and this just seems like a friggin hurricane has just passed by. But we'll show them baby, we will get the last laugh, show them that distance should not affect us. "Love is effortless but it needs work to maintain", another quote I like, so whether it be Tennessee or fucking Mars, I'll still love you, every other girl in this world is not worth it, they don't have what you have, and I will never find someone else who understands me as much as you do. Never have I felt so damn free to be me with you, never have I felt such love for someone. So yea life you keep laughing asshole, and mother nature don't be a biotch, even the most powerful being in the universe can not stop true love. So test us you may, but break us you shall not...
LIFE CAN SUCK MY COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
CK lol j/k
but of course the when it rains it pours, and this just seems like a friggin hurricane has just passed by. But we'll show them baby, we will get the last laugh, show them that distance should not affect us. "Love is effortless but it needs work to maintain", another quote I like, so whether it be Tennessee or fucking Mars, I'll still love you, every other girl in this world is not worth it, they don't have what you have, and I will never find someone else who understands me as much as you do. Never have I felt so damn free to be me with you, never have I felt such love for someone. So yea life you keep laughing asshole, and mother nature don't be a biotch, even the most powerful being in the universe can not stop true love. So test us you may, but break us you shall not...
LIFE CAN SUCK MY COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
CK lol j/k
Welcome to December
what a shitty end and start to a new month. well it looks as if things are going to start changing, tonight my dad found another stupid letter that my little brother's mom had written. And basically he had it, he told her to get out of our house, she protested that she wouldn't leave without my baby bro, but obviously my dad wasn't going to let her take him with her.
me, my dad, and my baby bro all went out to think about this, we had a quiet midnight snack at a restaurant, and I saw the sadness in his face, I once again saw that disgusting fucking face of betrayal on him. What in god's name has he fucking done to deserve this? I can't deal with this bullshit any longer, how many times have I seen that look of "someone stabbed me in my back"? I asked god tonight what he has done so bad, that he has to go through this. All I ever asked for is for my dad to be happy for what he has accomplished, and this is what he gets. She will never find another man like him, but she will find out too late, that day that she realizes she has made mistake is the day her life will be fucked forever, just like my mom.
So it seems that another child in our branch of the family is motherless, *sigh, what an ending to a fucked up month. FUCK THAT HOE
I don't want to care about anything for a while, this whole situation has put me in a mood that has made me care free and tired of it all. I'm not only tired physically from not sleeping at all, but I'm tired mentally of thinking of so many damn things at once. The only thing that is keeping me sane is my baby, right now she is what is holding me together, she has so many stories that make me forget about my same old stupid shit at least temporarily. It gets boring to think of bad thoughts, and everytime I think of killing that stupid hoe in my house, LOL, I think of the great days that I have seen my baby, and how much I love her. So right now I want to thank you baby, thank you for keeping me sane, (even though the crack is still active in me hehehe) I love you more than anything I've ever laid eyes on.
So N E wayz, the start of a brand new month and end of a mixed up year. 2004 sucked major monkey sack in the beginning, I kind of thought hell broke loose the beginning of this year, it seemed bad shit was happening to me and my family every 5 minutes...But next year I have at least one good thing to look forward to, and I think you know what that is...another year with caramelitos, the Pepsi Queen:)
me, my dad, and my baby bro all went out to think about this, we had a quiet midnight snack at a restaurant, and I saw the sadness in his face, I once again saw that disgusting fucking face of betrayal on him. What in god's name has he fucking done to deserve this? I can't deal with this bullshit any longer, how many times have I seen that look of "someone stabbed me in my back"? I asked god tonight what he has done so bad, that he has to go through this. All I ever asked for is for my dad to be happy for what he has accomplished, and this is what he gets. She will never find another man like him, but she will find out too late, that day that she realizes she has made mistake is the day her life will be fucked forever, just like my mom.
So it seems that another child in our branch of the family is motherless, *sigh, what an ending to a fucked up month. FUCK THAT HOE
I don't want to care about anything for a while, this whole situation has put me in a mood that has made me care free and tired of it all. I'm not only tired physically from not sleeping at all, but I'm tired mentally of thinking of so many damn things at once. The only thing that is keeping me sane is my baby, right now she is what is holding me together, she has so many stories that make me forget about my same old stupid shit at least temporarily. It gets boring to think of bad thoughts, and everytime I think of killing that stupid hoe in my house, LOL, I think of the great days that I have seen my baby, and how much I love her. So right now I want to thank you baby, thank you for keeping me sane, (even though the crack is still active in me hehehe) I love you more than anything I've ever laid eyes on.
So N E wayz, the start of a brand new month and end of a mixed up year. 2004 sucked major monkey sack in the beginning, I kind of thought hell broke loose the beginning of this year, it seemed bad shit was happening to me and my family every 5 minutes...But next year I have at least one good thing to look forward to, and I think you know what that is...another year with caramelitos, the Pepsi Queen:)
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