changes in the Terrazas :)

indeed, the changes are here again. after reading what my sisters have said, they reinforce that thought I have about them being the strongest women I've ever met. they have done so much for me, at a time where i felt that i had no mother what so ever. when i was young they were my only friends, at that time when for some reason i felt so unwanted in school. when i was young in elementary school, no one wanted to be around me, I guess i annoyed everybody I met. to the point to where i cried my ass off one night, i knew i had to change. but there my sisters were, there my dad was, every single day of my life they were there, i will NEVER forget that, i was young, but i still remember how much you guys loved me.
and then there was my mom..............my god do i feel like shit....i remember calling my mom horrible things, i remember calling her a cow and a bitch......i treated her so badly.... I remember not respecting her at all, i remember the stories i heard of her, and wanting her to pay for the things she did to the only things i had left in this world, my sisters and my dad. i remember one fight in particular, i dunno why but i remember it...where my sister and my mom were basically pulling each other hair, and my mother grabbed a plate...that's all i remember, all i care to anyway.
now i look back and i feel so bad to what i've said to my mom, for crying out loud she was my mother, and here i am calling her bad names. she deserved some of it, maybe part of her karma was her own children hating her, her own children rebelling. but there she is now, in another country, missing all of us. almost 5 years since i've seen her....
it's almost been 5 years of almost complete change in our family. the journey to where we are now was strange, and we had many fights even without my mom. i changed myself, my dad changed his heart (though i think not completely), both my sisters were married and moved out.
And its only been 5 years...so what does the future have in store for the Terrazas family now? things are looking so much better...just 2 days ago I saw my father smile at his birthday lunch in. everybody was smiling...i loved it...he was so happy...my god does he deserve it...he deserves every minute of that happiness...he has done so much for us all, he has been so unselfish, i'm so glad to not hear not one voice raised at his party.
so if moments like those are in store for us, i can't wait, i can't wait for our happiness. i know it won't last forever, it scares me to think that, but i know it can't happen. i don't know when it will end, i don't even know if it should, because it has only started.
the healing from the past will never be complete, because moments in the future will remind us of the past, things always remind us, and we must always remember of the past. because the past repeats itself if you forget...