an interesting article

http://encarta.msn.com/encnet/features/columns/?article=agingmain

the link above is an interesting article about why we age. Its 4 pages long, but it good lots of good details.
n e wayz, hello again world! I'm about an hour and half away from going to work lol. Happy New Year's Eve to everyone! here go, starting a new year, sometimes it feels like you are starting a new life, but then you realize, the morning of Jan. 2nd, that hey! "it the same shit all over again!" lmao. Overall 2005 has gone by fast for me, but this month in particular has gone by reeeeaaaalllll slow...I'm a little anxious to find out what will happen next year with my school and everything, and just my life in general. I wonder if I will visit my mother this year, or if she will come here...This coming year I also turn 18, unbelievable. All I have to say to 2005 is just, good-bye 2005...you really merged hell with heaven this year lol.

I do wish love showed its face more easily for some people. Love has a sense of humor, so you know it was created by God to play with us lol. Don't I know love is confusing, just stick to what makes your heart happy, a thing my dad said, troubles at home can be devastating to your life, keep yourselves intact, whatever it takes. And I hope love doesn't deceive us this year, I hope everyone's happiness overtakes the bad and sad moments of the year. just remember "A true love is a love without confusion, a confused heart is an unhappy heart"...

Just another week

Well sorry about another gap in my blogging lol. but n e wayz, its been a long and painful week, one that involves realizations and thought.
the next 6 days I'll be working, my day off will be next friday and saturday unfortunately, (you can see my new schedule). I've also been thinking alot about school, and I was hoping my sisters could help me decide some things, because I have no else to turn to.
But n e wayz, here is the deal. This school year hasn't been working for me, it seems like it won't work for me at all by the end of the year, and I have been considering taking the SAT's and then getting my GED, where I can start college. I'm not exactly sure that is a good plan, because I heard that not many companines or people in general are proud of a GED, and I'm not sure what other con's there might be of that. But it just feels as if I'm going to be stuck in high school for the rest of my life, and I really want to go into college, where I can take classes I really want to learn about. But to get into college, right now, I would need a car at least, and of course I would have to pay for it. But then, in the high school side, I have to pay for high school also, for night school, which is coming up, I need to quit my job and still have to pay for it, then after that will be summer school which i got to pay also. which comes to about $800. I really don't know what to do, I'm not sure what the best plan would be, to stick to high school though I know I won't make it, or move on, where there will be a few con's. But I hope you guys can help me decide what the best path would be, and hopefully you can help me, because I'm not sure what to do...n e wayz, I hope you all are doing good, cuervo out...

December has a sense of humor

Wow I really think December has always been a changing month for me, lol. So far its been like what, one week into December and many things have changed, man, times change so quickly...

Recently, I broke up with Zulen, in case anybody cared, lol. More than a year and more and more things come up, I guess as you get deeper into a relationship you also think deeper about things...
You know it really kills me inside to hear someone crying, but then you think, it was for a good reason, I wasn't like any other guy who justs leaves without thinking about the other person's feelings first. We are all humans in this life, we deserve to have our emotions heard and cared for by others, whether you be a playa or not...
It feels weird to be single again, you see everyone around you kissing and shit, then you think "wow, I had that not too long ago". Then of course the whole world seems to know about it. I told my friend Eric, and God only knows who he told and eventually by 6th period everyone knew, lol. I mean I used to speak highly of her for so long, so I guess it amazes them that "Jose" is free, lol. Who the hell knows what else is going to happen, there was already more shit that happened but that isn't the point of the post lol, as long as I stay focused on what my main goal is I don't care. Fucking saving, passing this hell hole, I think I've grown into a habit of working, cuz now when I'm off, I have nothing to do and I'm bored as hell, lmao.
Damn taxes took out alot of taxes of my next paycheck, I was about to make 550 smackers, but it got reduced to 445, lmao, how cruel tax is when you are single, blah.
But I already opened my savings account, I'm gonna save 100 every paycheck, see how that goes, lol, cuz now I got an ATM card!
I get my paycheck this Friday, so hopefully I can see you skika, so I can invite you somewhere, cuz I'm also off Friday!! yaaaay! And V is coming soon also! And this friggin snow is awesome, another 5-7 inches is expected tomorrow night, I already had a snow day yesterday, so lets go for 2 lol.
I just really can't wait until this month is over, this year needs to be over, I need to start fresh, get rid of 2005 damages, blah. I can't wait, or maybe I can, who knows.
I'm not sure if I told my sisters yet, but dad had to get stitches 2 weeks ago, he cut his finger working :( And recently the insurance rejected covering for Ayde's pregnancy, :( fucking hell, and we still had hopes. I swear my dad does not deserve this stress, things just keep piling on top of him, and if its not one thing it another.
But well I'm gonna go chill out now, see what else there is to do, lol. blog later!

An itsy bitsy late? lmao

HElllllo eurrrrrrrbody! Well, I just came back from work, by the way I posted my new schedule for this week starting from today. Its the end of my training weeks so I have more chill hours lol, meaning they are more realistic. I cashed in my first paycheck yesterday, unfortunately they only paid me for one week, so it wasn't that much. But this next paycheck is going to be a mammoth, lol. Tomorrow I'm going open a bank account, and, SAVE! This month has been a living hell I tell you that much. So much shit has happened at once in this month it feels like a year in itself. I swear I felt very "teenager" when I heard my own fucking mother was being beaten like an animal from her own damn father with a stick...I felt like kicking his ass, I don't care who he is, he deserves to die... Anybody who does that to anyone does not deserve my respect what so ever. I hope my family will be able to bring her over here next year, because she can't live there any longer...she just can't...its not good for her. You know sometimes when it feels you can do so many things for the world, you can only do so little... I've had a break from school for a while, but of course I go back tomorrow! Feels like I took my summer vacation cuz it seems like haven't been to school in forever, but of course I hope it snows, lol. This school year is going very slow, like a damn turtle. For every year of high school I've had a milestone to remember the year by, this year seems like several milestones, we'll see, the actual year 2005 is almost over, more presents, more holidays, then a start of a brand new year, I always pray its going to be a good one. I'm worried about many people so far, my dad, my sisters, my baby, my mom. My dad because he is recovering from being unemployed for a while, and now he has to deal with another baby coming into this world, with no insurance.......Then my sisters, I just hope they are ok with their hubbies, just remember that some fights are ok but if you are unhappy and fighting all the time, you'll just end up like our parents :S But thankfully none of you guys are there yet. And my baby, who recently discovered that her hopes of coming here are like 5%. I hope she gets out of that hell hole, she is unhappy there, I wish I could bring her here, but I guess life must go on huh? And of course my mom which I already stated. And then me, I'm excited to see this quarter's report card, ever since I got my job I've been driving that motivation to work that I get from my job to my school work, and I know it has to be working out. If not then I might as well bash my head into the computer screen, lol. I can only imagine what will come up in the near future, what the hell does the future have in store for us? God only knows, but yet, he never tells us, lol.

New Pics of Old Pics

I have a new website that shows my schedule, this is for my use and anyone who can see when i'm available or not the link is http://schedule69.blogspot.com/

n e wayz, i have some random pics below, just found them today. The ones all the way at the bottom are from our trip to Bolivia in i believe 2000. hope you enjoy!

The night of the five star chef award 

skika and num 

V and D  

me and D 

Kings Dominion 2 

cousin mania lol 

the Bernardo's 

hehe mini Kayla! 

sleepy me  

The Original Terrazas Family! 

NUM! 

Superman of Bolivia lol 

Incan Artifacts 

abuelita :) 

cholitas! 

Cochabamba? 

Dog Cousin's  

In the restaurant 

The family down under lol 

Bolivian Backdrop 

Sleepy Heads 

Grand Theft Mind

Weeeeelll. This week has been sort of a stressful week though I've had good news. Target got back my drug test and they denied my application cuz I had traces of Crack/Cocaine, PCP/Angel Dust, LSD,some acid, and weed. :(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(
:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(
:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(
:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(
:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(
:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(
:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(
:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(
:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(
hahahahahahah LMFAO, JUST KIDDING!!!!!!!!!! I have an orientation on Saturday at 4:00pm, soooo yaaaaaaaay! and i get paid for that shit too, lol. So i'm happy bout that, I'm sorry I haven't posted in my blog lately, I've just been trying to keep my own shit together lol. N e wayz, I'm off tomorrow, because its' veterans day, so i'll be chillin like villain. A well needed rested I might add.
I hope my lovely sisters are doing ok, I really miss you guys :(, but n e wayz, i'm still here. Oh yea and to brag, I ate Sil Pancho today! mmmmmmmmmmmmm QUE RIIIIIIIIIICCCCCCCCCOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!:D

well I hope you guys have a good weekend, hopefully I can see you sometime this weekend skika!
PEACE OUT< CUERVO

Happy Anniversary to my BLOG

WEEEELLL, yesterday was the one year anniversary of my blog! Cant' believe its been that long. and its been a long time since i've updated my blog hahaha. n e wayz. October is over, November is here, 1 month till Christmas and the end of the year, holy crap. For Halloween I was a nerd hahahahaha. I was wearing my pants all the way up to my chest, i had a helmet on, and i had these long ass socks that went up to my knees, laughing my fucking ASS OFF! I really should have had a camera, but oh well. I chilled out with my friends later on, binged on some candy, and laughed at stupid shit we did. next day, TUESDAY, i did some job hunting, i filled out an application at Super Target, and waited for them to call me.
Thankfully they called me TODAY! I have an interview on Friday at 4:00pm, they told me, "we like your application, we hope we like the person, lol" Thank God I don't smoke weed or anything cuz these guys are giving me like 2 drug tests, sucks for the fuckers that do drugs lol. then, i need a bank account, save some cash, use it wisely, plus i'll be working with my friends soooo we'll see. oh and Vanessa! i used you and Horacio as a reference, so if they call give em a good review ;)
My cousin Joey is inviting like the whole fucking family for thanksgiving this month, so far on his e-vite thing, about 45 ppl are coming! who knows if i'll go, i know Vanessa won't come, it would suck if Caroline didn't come, cuz then i'll be bored lol. not that my family isn't fun, its just i'm not that close with them.
well i'm glad i've kept this website for a long time, i remember those days i introduced my sisters to blogs, and look at Vanessa she's an addict now! lol, well peace out for now, CUERVO

Thoughts eh?

A question today really sparked my imagination for creativity in writing. The question asked, "What would be the most favorite place or world for you?" I felt a necessity to write about it, since I had nothing else to do hehehe,

My favorite place would begin in a suburban neighborhood. Yellow and orange leaves would scale the driveways of each house, as the branches of the trees sway in the cool fall breeze. It would be a place where everyone's imagination would come true, all the creativity in the world would be exposed for everyone to see. Music would be everywhere, everyone around me would have the same feeling of thought, imagination, and rhythm flowing in their heads as they listen to their favorite songs. No one would be bothered, no child would be afraid to walk out of their own house, no parent would have to worry if their kids won't have anything to eat.
There would be a cerulean blue river surrounding the houses, crying trees would blanket the outer part of the river as the leaves fall into the water. I would be there with the people I love, having fun and not getting bored, not taking so many things for granted. I would look outside the window of my house and see a herd of flying cars passing by me. Robots would greet you at every cash register in restaurants, there wouldn't be anything a computer couldn't do.

Maybe it sounds cliche, maybe it doesn't, but I would love to see flying cars before my time comes, that is my goal..., to see what I see in the movies before I die, and not have to dream about them...

Well apart from what I just wrote, lol. I had a great week, i spent 3 days with my baby, and I enjoyed each and every minute. Of course I must see her one last time before she goes, or I won't be complete. and with that I'm out, CUERVO

Today was a good day...

Hellllooooo everybody! Wow talk about a crazy weekend. Unbelievable what happened with the earthquake and the mudslide. I could have sworn this world is going to end soon...Or maybe its just me. But it seems to me, somebody upstairs is relatively pissed off at his creations lmao. But look at this, this is what I figured out, at least in my philosophic mind lol. United States-Hurricane Katrina, we went to war with Iraq, still are there killing ppl. Guatemala-Mudslide caused by the hurricane that passed by, in El Salvador, Honduras, basically all of central america, there are the creation of these mediocre street gangs that end up being here, but those ppl are crazy individuals. Pakistan/India-7.6 Earthquake, killing 20,000+, Pakistan and India have been shooting nuclear weapons at each other for the longest time already, destroying their own ppl.
So it seems to me, that mother nature is yelling at us for the stupid shit we do to each other daily. But whatever, I just thought of it that way.
N e wayz, the Redskins lost 19-21 :( . Another close game, but suprisingly we did ok, it was raining the whole game, our kicker was doing good, we just had way too many mistakes, and our offense did exceptional but they had nothing to show for it. Next week its against the Kansas City Chiefs! One indian tribe against another, lmao.
The dallas cowboys destroyed the eagles suprisingly. never in my life could I have imagined the cowboys winning against the eagles lol. this means we cant get annihalated by the eagles! PLEASE! NO! lol.

This week is going to be so great, my baby is coming, I get to see my sister after so long at her son's b-day party, but sadly vanessa be there, :( bad twee! lol.

*sigh, well for school, I'm kind of sad about being a summer grad. I wanted my family to see me in a ceremony, they call my name in front of my whole family, showing everyone that I completed 12 grades of education. :( but hey, I guess its better getting the diploma than not getting anything. Although I think they might have a ceremony for summer graduates, but I doubt it.
I hope everyone has a good week, and I hope so for myself too, hehe. peace out biotches.

Daddy Delivery

http://cnn.netscape.cnn.com/news/us.jsp?feature=newz_1005daddy_delivery

This story is insane, but terrifyling true. I cant believe this is actually possible, but they say that men might actually be able to carry babies......., you have to see the article to believe it.

Prodigy

This song is one of the new songs from Prodigy's newest album. I like this song, but this album has so many great songs, i love it! And to answer vanessa's question, to see my comments click on "post a comment" and do the same to post one.

Triskadekaphobia

Already October!!!! Did I mention I love fall??? lol. N E wayz, how am I ppl ask? WEllll....I'm getting my senior pictures tomorrow at around 7:00pm, still not sure whether I should wear a suit or just something semi-formal.
My baby is coming in a week!! Fucking finally, she might even go with me to Tyler's B-day party, that would defintely be exciting, because I'm sure my sisters would actually like to meet her after all this time, lol.
Over the weekend the Redskins won AGAIN!!!! 3-0 BABY YEES!!!! I know everybody in DC is having a jolly good time this week, of course not all, but most lol.
You know I noticed a blog is hard to keep up when you don't really have anything interesting going on in your life, lol.(well none that i could share) But I defintely have had an urge to change my templates constantly, lol. And I have defintely been running out of music videos, some of my favorite groups or artists aren't there, or never made a video for the song. Which sucks elephant bladder, but so far I still have a wide selection.
Well I'm about to be bored again, so I better go, hope everyone likes the new template, lol. bye for now, CUERVOxXx

Hello everybody

Hello everybody, I got the GTA: San Andreas game from my beloved friend and girlfriend lol. and it's 2 player!!!! so vani or skika if you guys ever come over we can create gangs and kill everybody freely together! lmao. n e wayz, i got a new computer desk that i'm really happy about. It fits my room more than the other one did I believe. and I actually have a spot to do my homework besides the crappy floppiness of my bed lol.
I hope everybody likes this new background, I actually made it myself (the background). I found a way to change the background of your templates, (now that i'm in the website mastering computer class in school).
My internet wasn't working again, and once again I had to teach my uncle how to restart the damn router if it doesn't work. yet again he still doesn't either get it, or he doesn't care lmao.
I've been thinking about a few things alot lately. Maybe when I feel like i'm in a writing mood I can write out for the blog, i'm just too not unhappy right now LMAO. And its already FalL! my favorite time of the year, not so cold, and not so hot, just friggin perfect :) I can't wait to wear my winter clothes again, because my summer clothes got old, lol. well i'm going back to playing Grand Theft Auto again, TIME TO CLIP DEEZ FOOL'S

Still another day...

I love it, i love the peace at night. Only problem is I have to wake up early in the morning for school :( . But thank God, I've been doing really good in school so far. But enough about school, I hate school yet I talk about it so much, lol.

Damn do I love music. I don't know why music is so great for me, it can change my moods so easily, give me the right song and I can change my mood in an instant. I bought a video game, it lets you produce your own songs, by putting together beats and melodies. I figure, if anything goes wrong in the computer, or video game goals, maybe I'll become a music producer. I dont care what genre it is, music is music. Only reason I don't like country is because the music doesn't intrigue me, I don't feel the same rhythm I do with rock, or rap, or trance, or anything else. I always listen for the melodies and beats first. My thing is, if I only wanted to listen to the lyrics of a song, I might as well go online and read a poem, same shit. But if a song has good rhythm and lyrics I think that makes a great song. Some of the songs I listen to, I only listen because I like the beats or the melodies lmao, I don't know why I just do, I don't really care what they say haha.
And I can't believe another Hurricane is hitting the gulf coast. I mean really, what did those people do that mother nature is punishing them so severly for? And of course with this hurricane, it means that gas refineries will shut down again, which means the already bullshit gas prices will go up again. Maybe they weren't ment to be kept under a 3 dollars anymore.

I would type more, but I must go to sleep before i become a zombie tomorrow LMAO! I hope everyone is doing good, including my sisters and my baby I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!! hehe
Good night....CUERVO has been drunk out of lol.

Today...

Well I've been practicing my website skills so much lately. And I love the fact that there is a job for that lol. I couldn't go to night school this semester unfortunately, money was not a factor, but transportation was defintely one. Even my baby offered to pay for my taxi for night school, but it would be $40 a week and I couldn't do that to her knowing she has to save money. So instead I want to get a job, save some money for school. Now I have to take night school next semester and summer school. I wont like it, but I have to do it.

This year so far has been rather calm. No one is creating drama in which they would try to sabotage my school year. I believe many people in my school year have matured and are only looking to make friends, but there are still the underclassmen, lol. Well...I better get ready for school, don't want to be late

Hope you like the new video, remember anybody can request a song through my comments or through the chatterbox, otherwise its my choice, LIKE NOW lol.

HOPE YOU LIKE THE NEW LOOK!

Music Videos

If anybody hasn't noticed yet, I change my music videos everyday. Right now it's Under The Bridge By: The Red Hot Chili Peppers

So if you have any requests you can just tell me through my comments or through the chatterbox, hopefully I can find that song. Just give me the artist and the song. :D

101 things about me :)

So I can't really sleep tonight. I'm so bored I could shoot my foot and start laughing, lol. Tonight I decided to do something different, I'm going to write 101 things about me :). My sister has participated in it, and a girl named christina from the fellow blogging world. I'm interested to see what some of you might think. I mean I've known my sisters for a while, lets see if they really know me... hehehehhehehehehehehe, Since I'm only 17, unlike you old farts it will be a much shorter time span i guess lol...Ok, time to start

1.) My full name is Jose Michael Terrazas
2.) Supposedly my mother named me after a soap star from the late 80's(middle name) lol and my dad named me after him and his grandfather(first name).
3.) I was born in Fairfax, Virginia in Fairfax Hospital on July 2nd, 1988
4.) I was told I was born at around 2 am, or sometime in the morning lol.
5.) I went to Annandale Elementary from Kindergarden to 3rd grade.
6.) In Kindergarden a red haired girl tried to kiss me on the first day of school and I fell over on my seat because I was escaping from her, hahaha.
7.) I had my first kiss with a girl named Megan when I was only 5 years old :) ( it was a sloppy one too).
8.) Uhh lets see, in 1st grade I got caught with my pants down with another student (talk about embarassing).
9.) In 2nd grade I had the best teacher in the world Ms. Jackson. To this day she is my most favorite teacher of all.
10.) The city that I lived in, Annandale. Inhabited the strangest people in the world. lol
11.) So after Annandale me and my family moved to Centreville, Virginia.
12.) I went to Centreville Elementary from 4th-6th grade.
13.) I never liked 4th or 5th grade, in fact I hated it, I felt like I was an outcast during those years :( .
14.) I remember not having any friends, and I used to cry myself to sleep
15.) That was until the end of 6th grade...
16.) in 6th grade my teacher thought I had a mental problem.
17.) so she made me do these tests that determined if I was insane or not lol.
18.) Eventually I was not insane, and she viewed the results of the tests and she thought that I lied on the test...
19.) They wanted to put me in ESOL classes because I was hispanic. Even though I knew more english than spanish.
20.)Well eventually I moved on to 7th grade (middle School)
21.) For the first few months of 7th grade I attended Rocky Run Middle School.
22.) I hated that school with a passion, because everyone that hated me from elementary was there, and I was in the same situation.
23.) at around this time my sister caroline introduced me to Eminem.
24.) since then i have listened to music
25.) and today, I LOVE music, any type of music, I don't care, (cept country) lol.
26.) The rest of 7th grade I attended Marstellar Middle School...
27.)This was my changing point, this is where I started to become more social and intouch with myself
28.) I had one of my first fights in 7th grade, against this humongous fatso who was jealous of me because his girlfriend liked me. He pounded the shit out of me, and I told no one...
29.) the beginning of 8th grade I was still at Marstellar Middle
30.) near the end of the time I was there I got into another fight.
31.) his name was Brandon, and he thought I was easy to pick on.
32.) he punched me several times i started bleeding on my lip, so I gathered my strength and pushed him out of the way. I never saw him again...
33.) Since that day I vowed never to lose a fight again, I had to swear it on myself, it would become one of the only things I have accomplished in school, lol.
34.) I have never been on the honor roll, I have never more than 30% of my homework, blah.
35.) n e wayz, I attended Key middle school for the rest of 8th grade.
36.) it was here that I changed once again... maybe for the better...not sure...
37.) oh yes before I forget, I have never been pushed to my ultimate anger, I have an extremely high tolerance to anger, I don't know why that is, sometimes it seems I can never get mad.
38.) 9th-10th grade I attended Robert E. Lee High school
39.) here I met my best friend Jorge,( we have never fought even to this day).
40.) it was also in my freshman year that I met my current girlfriend
41.) who happens to be my best friend's sister lol. and is a year older than me.
42.) but we didn't go out till last year, ( will tell later on) lol.
43.)now 10th grade.
44.) wow
45.) uh summer of that year i uh, met up with my friend from manassas. her name was kelly P.
46.) wow, that's all i will say
47.) n e wayz, 10 th grade
48.) by this time I think I have changed drastically from who I orginally was.
49.) I started gelling my hair, worrying my looks and of course GIRLS!
50.) It was by now that I asked out my current girlfriend for the first time.
51.) after a day, she broke up with me because she felt she didn't know me so well. lol
52.) so instead I went out with another girl named Janet
53.) and at this time we were going out with different people, and things were awkward lol
54.) middle of tenth grade
55.) I got into another fight once again...
56.) this time with this guy named David
57.) we started pushing each other playfully until it got out of hand.
58.) at this point I remembered my self "oath" and I wouldn't let this bastard beat me.
59.) so I pushed him into the wall and kept him there until these kids broke up the fight.
60.) he wanted revenge.
61.) so one day
62.) me and my friend jorge were in the hallways after lunch
63.) David came up to me and jorge with his fat friend Raul or something
64.) David wanted another fight
65.) at first I refused, I refused to fight over stupid shit
66.) but the bastard tested my patience by pushing me repeatedly
67.) So i grabbed him by his neck and slammed him againist the locker
68.) "watch who the fuck you mess with david" the asshole was civilized afterwards
69.) finally the year ended.
70.) sadly I moved away from good ol' Springfield and moved to where I am now
71.) Gainesville
72.) by this time my sisters have moved out, and I missed them so damn much for a while.
73.) then I started getting used to the loneliness
74.) but at least I still get to see them :)
75.) Summer school started
76.) in summer school I was offered to be in a gang more than 5 times
77.) but i actually used my fuckin brain and said "naw man, I'm cool" lol
78.) and so from 11th grade to now (12th grade) I attend Battlefield High
79.) lots of preps and "gangsters" are scarce lol
80.) yet feared by the rich white ppl, mwhahahaha
81.) ahh yes, August 27th 2004, I started going out with my baby!
82.) :D :D
83.) " will you go out with a skinny bolivian that loves you " hehehehehe ;)
84.) when I first entered Battlefield I thought "I'm going to turn into a fuckin prep"
85.) barely any hispanic ppl
86.) I met lots and lots of ppl though
87.) when it rains it pours, and once I was going out with someone all these girls started friggin liking me
88.) But I know how to handle them ;)
89.) by now I have written lots of my writings
90.) I wanted to become a video game creator, if not a music producer
91.) I even made my own video games
92.) characters, levels, storyboard ETC...
93.) N e wayz I really screw up my junior year unfortunately
94.) now I'm in a rut
95.) I currently am still with my baby
96.) I love music and computers and I barely have time for the internet
97.) I do play sports, (in fact I was in team my junior year, BSS)
98.) a girl named Rachel kissed me in the locker rooms after I got injured, but I backed away cuz i didn't like her.
99.)my favorite color is blue
100.) i did some code for my sisters and my babies templates lol
101.) and finally, I"M A SENIOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 2006 BITCHES!!!!!!!

Hoped you enjoyed my 101 things. I don't think I included everything in my life, but I defintely did most of it.

Dreaming of a reality so unreal

I dream all day I dream all night
I dream in my sleep, I dream when my eyes are open to the light

I dream of a life so unreal
Leaves me wondering if it is what I truly feel

Emancipate me from this reality
I do not want to be in its normality

Such dreams I want to come true
If only this life were to give me something new

Tell me my God, tell me what I need to become great
Tell me if my dreams will become my fate

I see things differently, my life has changed
this feeling of empty dreams leaves me enraged

But I do not only dream for myself
I do not only dream for a life of wealth

Maybe I dream for them too
Only you could know who

I see myself in the mirror now, before the reflection was crumbling with desire. There he is, the one who keeps my dreams alive, he is falling only to be kept alive. To witness his failures and his evil deeds. Tell me you who is he, tell me what is like to be me, say to me that I will find what needs to fulfilled. Words only help so much, don't enclose yourself anymore, give the support that I need, keep my thoughts worthy of being shown, keep them worthy of being written for everyone to see including me...So tell me you who is he, are there any dreams left for me?......

Labor Day...

Well looky here, lol. Its my last day of freedom!!! nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! Damn it man, oh well, i woke up at 12 pm today hahahaha, to celebrate my last day of course. My dad kept me in suspense a few days ago because he told me that my sister Vani, was supposed to find out whether the munchkin in her belly was going to be a girl or a boy. buuuuut nooooww, I have a few weeks, and thats deserves another noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! lol.

So my counselor gave me 3 options pretty much. Since I decided to goof off my junior year, lol. first option (the option I chose, or would like to) is to take 2 semesters of night school, and not have to take summer school, and pass all my other classes and i will have that beautiful diploma at the end of the year. Second option, take one semester of night school, and then take summer school, but problem with that is, i would graduate in August instead of June, and my summer will be taken away from me. And finally my 3rd and final option would be, to have an easy year, no night school, no summer school, and come back next year, basically i would be a junior again.

So I decided the first one, is going to hard of course, but so is everything life right? lol.
And unfortunately with night school I can't get a job, and night school is 325 dollars a piece, so we'll see what happens with that.

N e wayz, I had a good time this summer, other than summer school I think this was one of my good summers, of course there were some things that happened but you know I think Florida fixed that up nicely lol. Seeing that beautiful beach in front of you would make anyone forget about your problems.

And I chilled out with Cari on saturday. she rented million dollar baby and napoleon dynamite, we ate some tacos and saw napoleon dynamite, laughed our asses off (until she passed out lol) And then I saw million dollar baby on my own, that movie was crazy, I liked it, cept Clint eastwood needs to lay off the cigs, cuz his voice is raspier than sand paper hahaha.

Well, i'm off to wash my clothes and have a nice BBQ with my family for Labor day. Possibly go to the pool later on, for the last time of course :( . PEACE OUT

Can You Say, The Beginning of The Terminator Era? LOL

http://msnbc.msn.com/id/9118256/

Looks like we ARE going have robots as real people in the future, eww scary huh?

SOOOOOOO

Wow talk about a countdown, only about 2 days left till thursday and I'm friggin excited as hell. I haven't been to the beach in years, (no really I haven't, LOL)

I know I'm going to miss my dad and gabriel though, I wish that they could have come 2, but money is tight and my dad is way too busy at the moment. He's worried about him getting a job and not being able to see me. Thats only one of his worries, I don't think he wanted it to be the same like his job before, where he would go at about 7 am and come back at 11pm, only to see me near falling asleep or in my room, starving. And he hated the fact that he wasn't there for me all day, and i understand completely.
And hopefully my baby can come at the end of this month, I hope that I could see her, it would rejuvenate me completely, just to see those beautiful eyes of hers again.

I haven't talked to my mother in a while, and to think that this trip to Florida was originally planned to see her. Which brings me to remember a dream that I had last night...
Me and my family were in Bolivia, all of us were kneeled down on the benches of a church. The altar where the crucifix was and all the candles was silver, and to the left of the altar and the church was a screen door. Once you opened that screen door there was nothing but water, BLUE water, it was a huge ocean, almost like it was a floating church. And then for some reason I remember being in a place full of these huge stones, almost like a Ruin, wow it was a strange dream indeed...

Well I'm not sure if I will update anytime sooner then Thursday, I need to pack and all that shigady, got my pic ID :D , and I got my birth certificate, sooooo I"M READY TO GIT R DONE!

Looking up when life pulls you down

Seems to me that so far this summer defintely hasn't been one of the great ones. I'd rather go back to spring when I had everything intact, and so did my family. Something my father always has about him though, he is always positive, even when the world seems to be pressing down against his shoulders, even when it seems like there isn't a way out of a situation. And here I feel negative about things, I've branded my negativity quite possibly from my mother. She was a very negative person, and she always had something to worry about. I am learning though, at least trying to, I'm learning so much from dad sometimes. He has ways of comparing situations to other things so people could understand him. And he has been through so much, yet the problems are still coming at him. Still, he worries about his children, so much, I admire that about him, he has NEVER been selfish, one day I want to be like him. As long as I keep listening and learning from his great words of wisdom I'm sure it won't be a hard task...

Another day pokes out, I feel myself rotting in my room like a peeled banana left outside. I've been playing with my gamecube again LOL, and unbelievably I've managed to play for alot more hours then just one. I'm trying to enjoy my vacation, I really am...and I defintely don't mind some rest from school, but I want to get this over with, I want to get my high school diploma and feel that feeling of accomplishing something, because I haven't had that feeling in so long. Maybe it's this anxiousness to get it over with that is killing me, because I know I'm in for a work filled enviroment next year.

Well I guess I'm off to the pool now with my dad, (should be worrying about a job in my opinion) but it wouldn't hurt to chill out for a while. Hope bloggers everywhere have a great day! Bye For Now


P.S. See, that was less than a week for an update! aren't you proud of me?!?!? :)

oooooo, SHIGADY Sticks! *random thought 2

Wow, another random thought that has brought me to think...

How come some people never learn without them having to go through it first? Like say, I"m a dad and I'm talking to my son. And I say to him "son, never do drugs" and he goes off and does it anyway, because he wants to know what its like.
With me in this case, I have heard so many stories from my sisters, and even my own father. And trust me I'm never going to do drugs, or even smoke a cig for that matter. What has stopped me you ask? Well, I have learned enough from the stories and from what they have told me. Im so grateful in that aspect, plus alot of ppl near me in my school do that stuff, but they are all morons LOL. N e wayz, what I'm trying to get at I guess is, speak to your children, tell them about your mistakes in life, trust me we listen, it just depends on how many stories you have for us to remember not to make a mistake like those.

ANYWAYZ, LOL, I had an extremely action packed dream last night, it was such a great story, I wish I could remember every aspect of the dream, but all I know was that is was so action packed, it was like a jackie chan movie, LOL. I swear one day I want to create video games, if not, maybe even be a writer like bookwise or for a movie company. I'm so grateful that I haven't lost my imagination yet, I thought after all these years of growing up, and letting my imagination lay to rest that it would cease to exist. But yet here it is still lingering in my mind, in dreams and in my writings. I appreciate it so much, because I know I could go far in life with it. I just have to aim for one thing, and GIT-R-DONE!! LOL

next week!!!!! FLOOOOOOOORIIIIIDAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!:D:D:D:D:D:D

Yaaay!!!

WEEEEELLLL, summer school is over tomorrow!!!! I can't wait till I can sleep in finally...My teacher was letting us figure out our own grades, with the final exam included. And the final exam is only 20% of our grade, and I thought it was like 90% LOL. So that means, at least for me, that I can get a 15% on the final exam but still pass with a 65 :):):). Right now I have a C+ lets hope it stays that way if not go up!
Now the other problem though (seriously if it isn't one thing its the other) that my school called my dad saying that they haven't cashed the check yet, the $425 for summer school that is. They called us because they realized that the account that we had given the check to them in was closed, my dad closed that account a month after he gave them the check and opened up a new one. So who's fault is it ppl? My school waited 2 months to cash in a check, and now I'm worrying my ass off that they might not even give me that credit that I friggin earned. Because now my dad is out of a job again, because he quit the one he was already trying to get. (LONG STORY)

BLAH, well good thing is that it's August which means not too long from now I"m going to FLORIDA !!!!!!! July was slow and painful but I got through thankfully.
WOW and this month me and Zulen celebrate our year anniversary! holy shit, time can go by so fast sometimes...
And to anybody that reads my blog, I know that I have been slacking lately, partly due to summer school and shigady, but I know I'll be bored and have more time now, so nobody has to wait that friggin long till my next post LOL, well peace out for now ppl

Path of Pieces

Slipping away so quickly, everything is. The time of innocence slipping away so gracefully yet quickly out of this phase of life. Imagination once carried the happiness of this one being, their minds so naïve about everything in this world. Now this being must look deeper within the depths of their soul, picking out the scraps of forgotten dreams, forgotten plans, and wishes. A path so heavily guarded by life is present; the only way to break through is to pass the obstacles. The being extends their hand, pleading for help, possibly a miracle, and an easy way through this mess that life has created. This path is important, without a path the being is lost within them, a situation none want to be in.
During the journey the being notices a door, the first of many, so many to go. The door gives the being hope and nourishment to move on, it realizes that it must carry on to reach the end of this path. Another door appears, and here another path lies ahead. This path is broken up, shattered into a million pieces, and the being must put them back together to move on. So here it says, gently putting these pieces together, hoping that it doesn’t put the wrong ones together. Each wrong combination means more time to solve it, and time is so short.
The being realizes it has made the wrong combination, which it sure will be the first of many. It panics but holds in the emotions. Time keeps going, the being stops to look around, it realizes that there is so much left to put together, still so many pieces left…
To Be Continued….When more pieces are combined…

oooo tyte as hell 

T.G.I.F.

Wow another Friday ppl. Just 10 more days of summer school (not including the weekend). I did really good on my test today, I GOT A 94 :) Of course I took that test twice, I wanted to retake it because the first outcome was bullshit and cock pulling so I took it again. And there we go...lol

haha, I recently changed my hairstyle for the first time in like, 2 years (no joke) I've gotten many compliments, It's no longer slicked back, it's more of a "just out of the shower look" lol. Extremely hard to explain but it looks pretty cool to me.
Things are changing right now, it's kind of interesting to see what else will change, I'm hoping that everything will work out for me in the long run...
Speaking of which, I found an article on my favorite video game website, and in it, it described the path and the skills needed to become a video game designer!!! I was like "damn" it was like the article was talking to me. *I could have sworn it was* LOL.
So that's defintely something I looked into, I haven't finished reading it, but I know I will soon.

To Be Continued...

Yet aNother PoSt

Well here we go again, another issue arises with my mom. I pretty much posted what I wanted to say here, on my sisters comment section LMAO.
Its always scary to hear someone talk about taking their own lives. It's even worse to hear that it might even be your fault, if not you being part of the issue. At least that's the story I heard from my aunt with that dramatic call she gave me about 3 or 4 days ago when she was calling about my mother. my aunt made it seem like it was all our faults, just for not talking to her, when it ended up being so much more than that.
I try, I try so hard sometimes to write a letter to my mom, to call her, to keep up the conversation when she talks about absolutely nothing that makes sense. But I have trouble getting things finished, which is partly from my ADD I believe...It's start to trouble me actually, I'm trying so hard to complete any little thing, or focus on something, but I always seem to get distracted...I haven't been diagnosed with ADD yet, but what the hell else could it be? I've noticed that it's actually getting worse, and I'm starting to get less focused on things. For instance, I've managed to completely distract myself to what this post was supposed to be FOR! lol.

n e wayz, there my mom is suffering, and there are options, bring her back here, hoping that she will accept the fact that she needs to move on concerning my dad, and hoping that she will be able to live by herself. Or I think, getting her another room in Bolivia, where I would think she would have to do the same...So it's confusing to me, I know she wants to see us, I know that I want to see her especially, but God forbid I see her like she was 5 years ago. I don't want to meet that same person, I want to help her get treated, and help her cope with this, instead of fighting or worrying what type of mood she will be in. I've had enough of that for my whole life, and my God was I lucky to have the sisters and father that I had to help me.
Well I hope she decides to make herself better, admit she has a problem, and fix it. No matter where she is. I only hope....

Just random philosophy..

We all have that side of us, that side of us that we only know. Its so hard to imagine that some people don’t act the way they do normally. When you meet someone, you don’t automatically know who they are. But each one of us has a background, maybe a dark history, maybe not. Its so amazing to believe that everyone you talk to doesn’t show this so quickly. What are other people that I know, like? What are their secrets? What does their history consist of?
There is that side, the one hiding from the ones you don’t know, the side that is dying to come out, but holds back. It is our wish to have that side shared with freely with the person we love, the person we will share our lives with forever.
It makes me wonder so much sometimes, what might this person be hiding?
Wow, just random philosophy…

Why, GIT R DONE!

"I asked Jesus how much he loved me, "This Much" he said. And he stretched his arms out and died"
(Just a quote I found pretty tyte)

So here I am now, 17 yrs old. and counting. July has been a slow month so far, at least for me. But I had a great B-day weekend, I think I needed that weekend to rejuvenate myself, to have fun again.
I'm in Summer school now, :( BUMMER! 5 hrs of hell, not to mention an extra hour to and from school because of the long bus ride...BLAH. But hey, almost everyone on my bus ride there are my friends so that good!
I've been trying hard, and I'm not going to do this class over again, FUCKING NEVER! So far I"m doing great, and I know that it'll will keep up till the end of this dreaded hell, LOL.

SOOOOOOOOOOO, This summer seems to be having ups and downs (like usual). But of course downs always have solutions, Thank God*. Can't wait to go to Florida next month!!! yay!!! a real vacation!!!! lol. And of course after my lovely vacation, I have my senior year to complete, which will probably be with night school :( but hey, I know I can do it. I just need a car my permit or my license especially, a job, it will be an action packed year that's for sure...I don't really know what to expect from next year, and to think that this will be my last year legally as a teenager, WOW. Means no more tax returns for my dad from me! LOL

Before I go I want to thank everybody and your fucking awesome presents this year!!! Talk about nice clothing and accessories!! lol. My dad also helped me get a CD-RW Drive for my computer, and it's a beautiful thing indeed!

Summer Officially Begins

So normal school ended last Friday for me, and here is the only week i have off until friggin summer school. *sigh, my baby and my best friend are moving to Tennessee I believe tomorrow or today. so this is sort of the downfall of the month that I haven't been looking forward to since basically the beginning of my second semester.

Less than 2 weeks is my B-day!!! yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't believe how time friggin flies, I'm going to be 17, only one year away from legally being an adult, my god that is so hard to believe.
It feels like I've just begun my life not too long ago, but i've learned so much in such a little amount of time. And next year will be my senior year, *sigh, a really hectic year though, at least for me it will be.
I also can't believe that's half of the year is already gone, but at the same time, so many things have happened that it feels like such a long time.
It's so weird to look into the future, I always think about my future, I always think about how things will be, how I will look like, what I will be doing, and the future is coming quickly...

Well right now I'm going to worry about summer school, *yet another summer of it*, then meanwhile getting a job, making my dad finally take me to get my damn permit, and of course, I don't care what my dad says, once i get my job i NEED to pay him back for summer school, because it made me feel like shit when he had to pay that much for my mistake, and that's bullshit...

well ppl, welcome to Summer, i hope we all have a good summer this year, i pray to God we do :)

ooooh, ADD can get to ME LOL

wow, it's been a long ass time, hahaha. At least it feels like it, these past weeks have been pretty long. But June itself is going by pretty quickly for me. I have only a week of school left, THANK GOD!!!!! But then i start the dreaded friggin summer school, for the classes that i have to make up to graduate. It sucks though, for the past like 3 or 4 summers i haven't had a summer vacation, but hey, that's my fault :(.

N E wayz, the trip to Bolivia was postponed, my mother doesn't seem to be in a decisive state of mind yet, i guess she either wants to really come here instead of us going there, and i think its getting to her. so to avoid a week of drama instead of a vacation, we decided to wait till next year, see what happens.

I saw my friends and my baby this past weekend finally. only about 2 weeks b4 they move on to TN :(. I got to catch up with my friend Jorge, and analyze with that backstabber Jason. whatever, i wasn't going to let Jason ruin that weekend, I was in no mood to argue with anyone, just enjoy myself.
It seems that my baby will visit me time to time when she is away. at least that will make it easier then seeing her Yearly :S. I failed to mention that we took a break not too long ago, and a break was all it was, but eventually we are back together again, and it's better than ever. I guess sometimes there is a need for a break.

I'm really kind of wondering what i want to do with my life...I mean next year is my senior year, and I want to do so many things still, maybe next year I'll decide once and for all what I want, but who knows, it could go on even after that year.

The Mind that loves?

There they are left to right surrounding me, surrounding everything I hold. They ask for my time, they ask for my mind, they question my every action and question the past. Questions of the past, questions of the future, they clog my arteries, they halt my conscience. But things seem so quiet, my heart is peaceful, my body seems equivalent, yet my mind is filled with such things. Always there, always lurking in the back of my mind. Building, and building till they explode, till my emotions are filled with each one multiplying like a strand of bacteria.
So quickly I fall to them, so quickly they control. And here is this once stable red muscle, the red muscle that holds so much emotion, so much pain, so much love, so much hate, the red muscle that holds everything together. The red muscle is over taken by them, they seep into it, they destroy the barriers, releasing everything at once, and everything that was once held together is untamed.
Everything is changed, all has been lost to them, now they control everything, and my conscience is covered. I become deaf to many things, I become deaf to that red muscle that once gave me clarity and once gave me joy.
Things don’t become simple any more, life seems so cold, a barren tundra with no life in it. I look to the horizon of this tundra, I see the sun, and it dries out every attempt of me coming back to life. Crying out does not good, trying to release what has already overtaken everything becomes pointless.
All of this happens behind closed doors, unnoticeable to the senile person I have become.

I spend each day as if nothing is wrong, as if nothing is happening. Hiding behind my laughter, hiding behind my face is the truth to everything. They have locked access to my own red muscle, I feel no tears running down my face anymore, I don’t feel sorrow or pity anyone anymore. All that matters is the thoughts that clutter my soul.
Until everything is released, until things can become too late, I finally broke through the blindness and the deafness of my own red muscle. They have made me doubt, they have made me negative, how dare they. They are thoughts, evil ones, ones that laugh at your future, ones that deny having your dreams come true. Thoughts that demolish your heart, thoughts that make you selfish, until their needs are satisfied they don’t stop coming. The only thing that satisfies them are answers, but they are stupid answers for stupid thoughts…But never will my mind be use to love again, logical does not defeat emotion.

Don’t blame my mind for being overtaken, don’t blame my heart for giving up, don’t even blame the thoughts for destroying everything. For they come each and every day, but it’s how you choose to handle it…

Friday The 13th

Well here is another late night again. I swear I was about to write another chapter in my story, but for some reason I can't seem to focus on the damn thing. I know its going to be a great story, but the problem for me is finishing it considering i got this damn ADD from hell, LOL. And not only that, I've got another story thats been stuck in my head for quite awhile, and i'm anxious to start on it, yet at the same time I don't have the time or focus to write or finish either one of them.
SO, what does that mean??? IT means, I"M SCREWED! haha, j/k, it means i'll finish Heart eventually, and to anybody who has been reading my story, i recommend you read the entire story again to rekindle your interest. Just try not to bore yourself by reading the same damn chapter over and over again.

So what's up with my life? well for one, school is almost over. well for me, normal school, then it's off to summer school, BLAH. I had an actual fight with my spanish teacher today, err yesterday. and my legs WERE sore, from all this excessive excersise i've been doing this whole week, but now i feel like brand new.

I also haven't been writing lately, poems, stories, blogging, just really nothing at all. Maybe it's because the poems i write sound kind of repetitive to me, because nothing has really changed that dramatically in the past few months, my life is pretty calm as of now, all i really do now is just either chill out with my friends or wait for my dad to come home, and i've already written a poem about such things, and to me, I hate repeating myself. And to top it all off, I don't even have dreams that i remember anymore, last dream i had was about 2 months ago.
Now my life isn't boring, it's just pretty much the same thing almost everyday. then again, i could actually write about something like that.

n e wayz, i do know i have scattered thoughts sometimes, thoughts that never really assemble with my thinking patterns, they just seem to jump in whenever they feel like. my scattered thoughts only make sense to me when i'm in a certain thinking mood, when my mind is really thinking about things around me, things i've seen, or maybe it'll be memories.

One thing i do notice, it's Friday, May 13th, 2005. Now May has never been good to me, and so far it's doing a good job of winning the crappiest month award once again. And then again, I've enjoyed this month at certain times, so we'll see what happens.
Time for me to go to bed, nite ppls.

The Weekend

so i finally got to see both my sisters at the same time, as well as my dad. it was a good peaceful park that we went to, i couldn't believe such a thing existed in New York...But it was cool, not many ppl there, good food, and sometimes i couldn't help but look around and just relax and think.
There was also some funny moments...there was this man in a red shirt who was attempting to skate around the park, and it seemed like he was just starting out, so every once in a while he would trip on himself and all of us would laugh, hahaha.
Well past all of that, it seems like my sister is trying her hardest to come near us, whether it be in VA or maybe even MD, either one would be 250 miles closer. and hmmm, is my dad considering moving maybe this year? No i don't think so, maybe next year...it's a big possibility, who knows, i remember him telling me that we would stay here for about 2 years until i finished school. he was thinking about buying land somewhere, that was always his dream to do that, buy a huge piece of land and settle down there forever.

So n e wayz, my internet has been cut off for a while, until today i found out that my uncle, the so called computer ace, doesn't know how to run a network. wutever, good thing is i got my internet back and can finally finish my story and what not.

well i'm gonna...uh...i dunno...do something lol bye for now

ooooooh, BLUE! 

Bitches LOL

early early early ain't it? well not that early but still early enough for me to have mini bags under my eyes, lol. I had another idea for a story last night, but I know I have to start dedicating my time to HEART instead.
God how I wish I could have a MP3 player, or for that a matter a cd burner in my computer. I could listen to all these songs that I enjoy on my computer everywhere. I have about more then a Gigabyte of music, which is a few hundred songs I think.

N E wayz, a few things on my mind right now, it's May, which means it's almost summer, which means the apocalypse is about to start LOL. Then I"m thinking about my "best friend", he was the one who I was going to rely on in getting our video game system idea started. And here he goes, talking bad about me behind my back, and trying to get my girlfriend with another guy. I really don't understand him, he was never this much of a prick. He was the first friend I had in Springfield, and now I don't even know what to think, I'm wondering if what he said was something he always thought about me.
So what the hell am I going to do now, I wanted to actually begin this idea of a video game system, but I can't do it alone. And now I can't see my other best friend Jorge anymore, his dad seems to have built a wall over him. *sigh, things are a little rocky, then again May has never been good to me, May is truly Gay.
I was going to look forward to the concert, but things came up, but thankfully my dad is going to New York next week no matter what. He's about to quit his job also, bunch of low life bastards that work there and no one else.
Sometimes I wish I could fast forward my life, skip so many situations, see what happens in the future. But oh well, I can't and never will be able to fast forward my life, sometimes it seems that life passes by so slow, but then you notice that in reality, it's going by so damn fast.

I want to dream about something again, I haven't really dreamed about anything lately. One of the only dreams I remember from not too long ago was a scary one.
I remember not being able to open my eyes completely, everything was blurry, I was unable to move, and all I heard were people calling my names, it was my dad and I think my sisters and zulen.
Scary thing is, my dad has had a couple of the same dreams about me. Either I was in an accident or something else. Then of course my aunt has had some strange dreams, but she hasn't told us what they were yet.

*sigh, N E wayz, Vanessa come back to VA!!! Notice how inviting VA is to you, VanessA VirginiA, NO???! LOL n e wayz, that's some good news, I wish everybody I missed could be near me, but i know that could never happen unfortunately, which sucks monkey nuts.

Well I'm going to call the other sister that I miss dearly, hopefully we can chill today! peace out bitches, J/k

Finally

Shit I finally updated, LOL. My internet was being an ass the past couple days. But I managed to write the rest of chapter 3 and the beginning of chapter 4, and posted it.

Its been a boring week actually, just the same old boring school crap lol. There is this freshman girl named Jessica who seems to have taken a liking to me. Last time I talked to her she called my name from the hallway, "Jooooseeeeee" lol, then she started asking questions about me. I think she was suprised I didn't ask anything about her hahaha, cuz frankly my dear, I don't give a damn. TOO bad for her I'm already taken :)

It's saturday, I'm enjoying limewire of course, and talking to chikita. it's almost the end of April! I can't believe it, talk about fast as hell. It's been a crazy month huh baby ;) It'll be MAY then JUNE! and I'm friggin done with Junior year! then of course the summer will come up...who knows how that'll go, i know i have to do alot this summer, i got to take some classes during the summer, only problem is, all of July will be gone for me :( *sigh, well hopefully you can come to HFS Vanessa!!! if not we could probably go to the chili cook off, which is the day b4 right? I've been reading both of my sister blogs, unbelievably good stories for both of them! I only wish I could write like them, but that'll take some more time ;) well have a good weekend guys!

God...Do You See?

I remember thinking about this on the way home today. I was in the car with my dad, enjoying my music, and the time to myself.

The only star I see tonight, I see it through my window. I see it so clearly, flickering in the dark sky filled with clouds. Here is this one star, only one, out of the hundreds we see each night. I only hear soothing music filling my brain, activating all my thoughts. There they are, right in front of me, I try to grab on to them, but I lose control. So I turn to the one star in the sky tonight, I ask and ask,

God…Do you see who I see looking at me in this window? Don’t let go of him, don’t let him ruin his life…
God…Do you see the person sitting next to him? Don’t let him disappoint that person, don’t let him see pain in that person’s eyes again, give that person all the happiness he deserves…
God…Do you see who I see in my thoughts? Take care of them, tell them I love them, don’t let me fail them…
God…Do you see those wishes in my heart? Grant them, I beg you, grant them…

I see the star flickering harder, until it disappeared behind the clouds. But my eyes keep staring, hoping my questions would be answered, hoping for so many things to come true. And there the star appeared once again, but this time with so many more, until the whole sky filled with stars once again. Though it is no clear answer, I still stare into the stars, each one flickering by themselves. I want to be one of those stars, I want to flicker in the night, and I want to flicker with happiness. Only way to accomplish that, is if my wishes are granted…

Eminem wins another case!

http://entertainment.msn.com/celebs/article.aspx?news=188183
yay! for Eminem, he won another case...

New blog

I made a new blog for my story and any future stories. But i'm still putting my poems and other writings here in this one. the address for the blog is http://livestrong69.blogspot.com/ so this chapter and all the others will be in that one. Don't forget to add this blog and the other blog to your Favorites list!

Preview of the Story

This story is based on true events, but I altered like 98% of the story. It's about a crazy high school relationship in Bushville County. In the beginning of the story James Tenderton is a freshman in high school, and Carla Bruckshen is a sophomore. The story follows James and Carla throughout their months in high school, eventually they will meet.
Expect many things to happen unexpectedly, just like in life. Not exactly sure how many chapters there will be in this story but I will post as many as I can during this month. Don't forget to leave comments if you find anything you did or didn't like about the story, please! Especially if you think something needs to be changed please let me know, I can take any type of criticism. So enjoy my first story ever! NO OUTLINES NO PRE WRITING BS, just plain story.

Heart

By: Jose Michael Terrazas

CHAPTER 1

The First Morning

"James"

Another morning to wake up to. 5:50 in the morning on a Monday, James is still sleeping mentally.

"I can’t believe this crap, it’s already 5:50!"

James had another restless night, a night where his thoughts would all come together and he couldn’t sleep at all. It is at night where he thinks about the day, his past, or anything that is going on in his life at the current time. He thought about how great his summer was, and how high school is going to be.
He runs downstairs to make himself tea in the morning (that’s how he wakes up).

"YAWN, *sigh, what was I think about last night?"

In the mornings nobody in James’s house was awake, so he knew that he would have to make an effort of talking to himself each morning.
Eventually he forgot about the tea and went back upstairs to take a shower. After getting ready for school, he was off to this bus. James lived in the northern part of Virginia, where everything is far from what people think Virginia is. It’s filled with traffic, buildings, and many suburbs, though all of Virginia was thought of to be country like.
James was new to this part of Northern Virginia, no friends yet unfortunately. Though he has tried to avoid making friends that live near him, simply because of the fact that he might move away sooner or later. But it had only been recently that his family was acting nomadic, moving 3 times in the matter of 5 years. It seemed that each time his family moved, their house got bigger and the neighborhoods were worse.
Still not completely awake, James arrived at his bus stop. He knew no one, and this was his first day of high school, not to mention his first day of going to a Bushville county school. There were about 5 kids already waiting at the bus stop, and James smoothly walked behind them, not wanting to get noticed of course. He noticed a girl at the bus stop who seemed to be staring at him every now and then. James was only 14, he was too young and too naïve to think about having a girlfriend yet, so he just simply looked away.
Kind of angered about his lack of attention to her, the girl whispers into her friend’s ear. The girl’s friend walks up to James and says

"Do you think that girl is cute?"
"Uh, which one?"
"The one over there, next to the lamp post"

The bus arrived, and James was still thinking about an answer so James responds

"Hahaha, Uh I guess so…"
"Well buddy, she thinks you’re cute"

James only laughed nervously; he was really shy when it came to girls, only saying hi when they did. At this point he just walked into the bus and sat down, basically disregarding what the girl’s friend had just said.

"My god it’s my first day and somebody already likes me, damn…"

He seemed so nervous still, he just glimpsed at each person that passed by him on the bus. Every kid was different, whether it was their race, skin color, clothing, or even the way they talked. He was glad to see that at least there was variety in the friends that he could choose to be with. As kids passed him by from each bus stop, he looked over each one of them to decide who he thought could be his friend in the future.
About 30 minutes passed by, and finally he arrived at his new school, Bushville High School. James was incredibly nervous at this point, he had heard so many stories of how high school was. The jocks, the nerds, the cheerleaders, all those clicks in which his popularity would be based on. His popularity didn’t matter to him though, all he wanted was to have good friends, ones that he would have fun with and be serious with at the same time.
The bus stopped, and the bus door opened letting out all the kids from the bus. Finally it was James’s turn to get off, he stood up and finally felt his stomach ache. His legs didn’t feel normal, it was as if he was floating the whole time he was trying to get to the door. James took each step slowly out of the bus,

" 1 step, 2 steps, 3 aah shit!"

James tripped on the last stair, and he got thrusted out of the bus. Two older looking guys pointed at him and laughed, and James only smiled back at them. Completely embarrassed James sped walked all the way to the main doors. He opened the doors and laid his eyes on his new school.

"Wow, bigger then I thought!"

He widened his eyes to look at how big the school looked. The school had two floors, but looked extremely big from the main door. No time to look over the school just yet James realized that he couldn’t stare at the huge school no matter how much he wanted to.

"Damn, I have to get to class"

James took out his schedule that he received during the summer from his school.

"Let’s see…Keyboarding, room 1127…Where the hell is that?! Do they really expect me to know where these classes are?"

By this time he was already panicking, taking a look at his schedule for a second or two, and then looking back at the main lobby. James finally decided to start walking, he thought that if he started walking now, he would eventually get to his class.
All these thoughts rushed to his head again, about how his class would be, about how his summer is over, and if he will ever learn to do his homework when it is needed. But he knew he needed to be thinking about where his class was so he came back to the present.
He walked and walked and walked, and there it was!

"Yes I found it!, Room 1127…Mrs. Cauldron"

In his mind James thought what a demented last name that was, and he got even more nervous. So he went inside the room and sat down where he could. The bell rang and everybody had arrived, only a few kids were late to class. Mrs. Cauldron waited for everybody to be seated, and she finally talked

"Welcome to Keyboarding class students, my name as you know is Mrs. Cauldron. I don’t usually enjoy talking about myself so I’ll try to stay away from that. Any ways, before I start with the class rules and the syllabus let me call out the role. Afterwards you can all stand up, tell me your name and a little bit about yourselves."

James thought,

" Oh no, I hate talking about myself in front of a bunch of kids I don’t know"

James simply rolled his eyes and waited for his name to be called. Name after name, it was obviously going in alphabetical order, but his name seemed to have been skipped.

"Todd Wallberry"
"HERE!"
"and, Maria Winters"
"HERE!"
" Ok, anybody that I didn’t call?"

James, looking puzzled, raised his hand up.

"oh, I’m sorry dear, what’s your name?"
"James Tenderton"
"hmmm, James Tenderton…James Tenderton….hmmm, dear I do believe you are in the wrong class"
"What?, but my schedule says First period room 1127-Keyboarding"

James noticed that the whole class was giggling

" Well James I think you should have read the notes on the schedule. You see, in this school, we have even classes, on even days, and odd classes on odd days. So in this case, since it is an even day, you have 2nd period first. And tomorrow you have this class first"

Another rush of embarrassment came rushing through his whole body. James walked out of the class and into the hallway, and thought to himself

"My God, what a first morning"

So embarrassed and annoyed James looked for his next class, which was P.E. It was always James’s favorite class, which is the class where he could show off his athletic abilities and have fun. And off he went to his P.E. class, with a hope in him that he would not have to endure another embarrassing moment for at least the rest of the day. But he had to get through the morning first before even thinking about the rest of the day.

Hola, amigos! lol

Well I just wanted to let you guys know that I'm going to start writing a story that has been in me for a while. I don't like to waste my time on outlines or all that pre-writing bullshit, so i'm sure there will be many mistakes. But as long as I'm writing I'll be fine
When i'm done with chapter one, I'll post it, and keep going on from there... So good night for now ppl!

Never thought I'd say it

I just came back from Tia Cuqui's B-day party. Tio Gustavo and Bernardo were there, I can't believe what a stupid conversation they had. They had an arguement about houses, and Tio B was like "once you buy your own house Gustavo then you tell me what you think". What a materialistic conversation, i don't understand why so much competition is needed in our own family.

n e wayz,

5 years since i've seen my mom, it's been 5 years of almost complete change. I still haven't called her, I'm waiting for my dad to give me a fucking calling card so I can speak to her. Today I was sitting in the car on the way home...listening to a sort of mello song, those types of songs always put me in a thinking mood. Inside my heart i'm excited, i'm excited about seeing my mom. She's missed 5 years of my life, she's missed 5 years of her own families life. She put herself in this situation, but the thing i'm excited about the most is seeing her well. If I go to see her this year, I wish to see her "normal". OMG, how I wish she was all better, how i wish i had my mother in my life. I don't wish to see this imposter with me, i want the person who i knew my whole life, and would do anything for me. I wish she had never said or done such things to us, then she would be here with us, supporting us, caring for us. If i saw the same person i have always seen if i go down there this year, then i think i will cry. It would be like i couldn't trust her anymore, once again. There are so many risks in bringing her back into our lives, what if she was the same or worse than before? And here my father is, with another woman, from what he has said, he's never going back.
This hope won't be extinguished from my mind, I need to see with my own eyes how she has changed, or if she has. And if she really has, then what?...How can we bring her so back so easily when for so many years we've wanted her out? I feel as if things are incomplete in my life, those days when i'm alone in the house, those days i see my father with another woman, the days i look at old pictures, and the nights when i'm sleeping, it just seems so incomplete.
I remember those days she seemed so nice, she always explained how much she loved me. Then the next day, she would drift into her own world, a world that seemed so lost, as she was lost herself in it. So how would one's emotions react when you see the same person that said she loved you the day before, turn into I'm going to leave you and never come back the next day? Even now my feelings are being toyed with, my memories and my need for her here are fighting with each other.
I see possibilities, I see hope, I want to see change, I want to see a future with her here, and not have to visit her every 5 years. So I guess life will take it's course like usual, giving us the unexpected.
And here I will be, juggling with my thoughts, eager to see the hope i have come true...
Happy Birthday Mom, from the son that once hated you for hurting the people he loved, the son that loves you for giving us a break, and the son that now wants you with him as long as his hate doesn't come back for a reason...

More set of pics

ok so here are a whole new set of pics i scanned. i wish i could show them all, but then again, i don't know some of you ppl, lol. n e wayz, V and skika I'll try to send u some old shit, I'm going to try and pick up where i left off last time scanning all these old pics so they never get lost or turn into ashes lol.
Well i hope you guys enjoy the pics, git r done!

Last pic for now, hehehe day of my sisters wedding. everybody was all in black, was this a funeral or a wedding? LMAO, i'm all the way on the right holding my crazy aunts arm 

wow, me 5 YEARS AGO! the back of the pic said July 6, 2000, so maybe i'm enjoying some new games i got for my b-day